Our Father
by S.E. Mellark
Summary: Because two Omegas shouldn't be together. Especially if they're of the same gender.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: _I've never seen this particular situation done before out of all the omegaverses I've come across, and someone mentioned it to me once, so I decided to give it a shot. This story will have three parts, though I can't vouch for the consistency of updates since school started and all.

I'll touch on a few religious values - I grew up Catholic and there were always certain things that bothered me about it, no offense to any Catholics, I love you all - sexism, perhaps, for the time period, and certain issues arising within an omegaverse society. I'm sure you can guess where this story is headed.

_Disclaimer: _I do not own Hetalia and I most likely never will.

* * *

Alfred Jones' first glimpse of Arthur Kirkland had been during Sunday mass.

Alfred remembers staring blankly down at his hymnal while his mother quietly chastised his father for not paying sufficient attention to the pastor. At nine, he had a vague understanding of God, of Heaven and of Hell, and the certain criteria he had to meet if he ever wanted to meet his creator in the next world. He understood, but religion had meant little to him at such an age.

He'd recited long-memorized prayers without incentive, received communion with all those perfectly polished gestures he had learned as a second-grader, but never had Alfred actually _felt _anything.

He had always wondered if something was the matter with him. Matthew never seemed to have issues staying alert during mass, though Alfred knew for a fact that his twin brother was always just as bored – if not more so – as Alfred was. Mattie had just always been better at hiding it.

Growing up in a small, religious town had never appealed much to Alfred. As a child, he'd been pretty content with his surroundings, all things considered. He'd never had trouble making friends, did okay in school, and was never bothered by the fact that everyone in his community seemed to know all about his business. But as he grew older and began to realize that there was a much bigger world out there, Alfred became restless.

Living in Allen, Kansas during the early eighties wasn't easy, especially considering Alfred was a male Omega. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten so unlucky as to be born an Omega; especially since his twin brother Matthew was an Alpha. Men of Alfred's nature weren't especially uncommon, though it was in his hometown, and it sure did make his life a lot harder.

Again, while Alfred never had to struggle to fit in at school, there were times when some of the other boys, the Alpha or Beta boys, told Alfred he couldn't play a certain game because he was an Omega. To this day Alfred doesn't think any of his schoolmates meant to be rude by saying those things – in that town, at that time, everyone was taught to think that way, even Alfred himself. But he never gave up, and eventually everyone forgot about his nature. He's always been on the larger, heavier side anyway, so it wasn't too hard to overlook, even when he was a kid.

But at a point in Alfred's childhood, everyone seemed to remember every time they looked at him that he was an Omega, and a male one at that.

That point came when the Kirkland family moved into town.

Thinking back to that hot, summer day when he first saw the Kirklands, Alfred remembers looking up from that familiar, uninteresting hymnal at the sound of a baby starting to whimper. Careful not to let his mother know he'd strayed from the homily, Alfred turned his head to the right, trying to seem inconspicuous, glancing across the isle at a pew not directly across from him, but the one behind it.

The woman Alfred assumed to be the mother looked nice enough, though she appeared really strained with thinning, dark blonde hair falling in front of her worn, green eyes. The woman had tried to shush her warbling baby while two of her four remaining children rolled their eyes in obvious annoyance.

The two eldest boys had hair so red it had startled the young boy somewhat, and eyes almost as blue as Alfred's own, and they had looked as if it was their own mother's fault for the baby's discomfort. The younger girl with curly, red hair had shifted her light blue eyes around nervously, looking for people like Alfred who had been attracted to their family by the sound of the youngest member becoming fussy, quite obviously self conscious as she shrunk down in her seat next to one of her brothers.

Alfred was beginning to turn around for fear that his mother would catch him staring, but movement from the woman's other side caught the boy's attention. A boy that appeared to be no older than Alfred took the infant from his mother's arms gently, giving the obviously distressed woman a reassuring smile before settling back in the pew with the baby held carefully in his arms.

Unlike his older brothers and sister, this boy had blonde hair just like his mother. It was quite unruly, though it seemed to complement his person, or at least Alfred thought so. His eyes were just as green as his mother's, though they were a brighter, deeper shade, completely free of any and all stress that his mother always seemed to have. And those eyebrows! Alfred kinda wanted to touch them, though that would've been weird. They looked like fuzzy worms. Or caterpillars. Either way, they were pretty darn big.

Alfred is quite certain he was the only churchgoer that day who paid any attention to what the Kirkland boy did, watched in awe as the young boy did what his mother hadn't been able, rocking and soothing the baby until it quieted down. The mother had leaned over to kiss her son's temple in gratitude, and it was then, smiling and obviously pleased with himself, that the new boy raised his gaze to Alfred's.

The boy continued to watch Alfred even as his mother pulled away, and though Alfred knew he should've, he didn't feel any embarrassment for having been caught staring. Instead, he'd given the newcomer his _most_ winning smile and a wave, which had finally earned him a whack upside the head from his exasperated mother.

Matthew bugged him about what he'd been staring at long after mass ended that day, though Alfred refused to tell him, just because it was fun to watch his brother squirm. He failed to catch another glimpse of the green-eyed boy or his family, though Alfred hadn't been too worried. He figured he would see the kids in school come August.

But as it turned out, Alfred didn't have to wait that long.

A few days after mass, Alfred had been wrestling outside with Matthew when their mother came to stand in the doorway of their two-story house, wiping one hand on her cooking apron while the other pushed a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. "Freddie! Get off your brother and come inside. We're having guests over!"

Alfred was straddling Matthew's hips, keeping a firm grip on his brother's shoulders and taunting him for being pinned down by an Omega, though Matthew managed to push his brother off while Alfred was distracted by their mother's call. "But, Mom!" Alfred cried, still sitting amongst the dirt and dead grass even as Matthew stood up to brush himself off. "You said we could play outside until lunch!"

"Something came up." She explained as Matthew turned to tug Alfred to his feet, and Alfred had to slap his brother's hands away as the Alpha tried to dust him off as well. "Boys, don't hit one another! Oh, you're both a mess. Honestly, do you want Mrs. Kirkland to think I've raised a pair of heathens?"

"Who's Mrs. Kirkland?" Mattie asked.

"She and her children just moved here from England." Their mother explained as the twins trudged across the lawn and up onto the porch, toeing off their boots in preparation to follow the woman inside. Alfred was worried he'd be forced to take a bath as his mother assessed his dirtied hands and knees critically. He'd just had one two days ago! "I've made arrangements to watch her children for the afternoon while she goes to look for work. You boys be on your best behavior, okay?"

"Okay." Matthew said, just as Alfred exclaimed, "Why is she lookin' for work? Doesn't her husband do all that stuff?"

"Hush and get changed." Their mother said, grinning as she flicked Alfred with her apron. "And remember your manners. Don't ask rude questions!"

Alfred wasn't exactly sure what his mother meant by "rude questions," though he did as she asked and followed Matthew up the stairs to their shared bedroom to get changed.

Matthew was wiping a smudge of dirt off Alfred's face when the two heard voices from downstairs, and they held their breath, twin gazes locked, straining to listen. They recognized their own mother's voice, along with another female one that Alfred assumed was this Mrs. Kirkland person. "You think her kids will be nice?" Mattie asked. Matthew had always been just as friendly as Alfred, though not as boisterous. Meeting knew people wasn't exactly scary for either of them, though it was a bit daunting; for Matthew especially.

"I dunno." Alfred replied just as their mother called up to them, and he took his twin's hand, beginning to lead him from the bedroom. "I guess we're gonna find out."

Alfred remembers trying to make a conscious effort to not storm his way down the stairs as he'd been prone to doing back then, instead trailing behind Matthew, ghosting his fingers along the banister of the stairway. His parents always said his enthusiasm was a bit much, and when meeting people for the first time, it was better to tone it down a little.

"Alfred, Matthew," their mother was saying even before Alfred reached the last step, "this is Mrs. Kirkland."

"Hello, ma'am." Matthew greeted, already at the bottom, and Alfred had to refrain from rolling his eyes. His twin was so sickeningly perfect in the face of others, though Alfred couldn't count on both hands how many times he'd been locked out of the house while their parents weren't home.

"Hello, there, young man." That had to have been Mrs. Kirkland, and Alfred blinked, shocked at the sound of her voice. How far away was England, exactly?

Alfred still hadn't seen the new family yet, though he could see Matthew and a couple pairs of feet shuffling in the doorway, and really, Alfred couldn't help himself from saying, "Your accent is funny."

Alfred's mother looked aghast when Alfred finally reached the bottom step, and when the young boy finally caught a glimpse of their visitors, he felt slightly embarrassed himself. The tired-looking mother he had seen in church earlier in the week was standing beside his own mother, surrounded by her children and holding the crying baby – which was now asleep. The English woman looked amused as she caught sight of Alfred, looking as if she were trying to hold in a laugh.

Matthew had looked frightened on Alfred's behalf, probably imagining the lashing Alfred was going to get once their father came home from work, though just as Alfred was about to apologize, another strange-sounding voice piped up. "Well, so is yours."

It was the same boy from before, holding on to his older sister's hand as he glared over at Alfred, considerable eyebrows furrowed together. Alfred felt nervous then, though he probably would have gotten defensive as well if someone commented on the way his own mother spoke, so he understood the boy's anger. Though in that moment, all Alfred could really think about was that he didn't want his stranger to be mad at him.

"Hi!" He exclaimed, a large smile splitting his face that seemed to catch the other boy off-guard.

Emerald eyes blinked in confusion over at Alfred, though that quickly passed. Apparently, he remembered Alfred's curious azure stare. The boy didn't say anything for a moment, though his sister nudged him gently, prompting him to at least try and return Alfred's enthusiastic greeting with only her eyes. "Hello." The boy muttered after a moment.

"Boys," Alfred and Matthew's mother said soon after, still looking quite peeved at Alfred but all too happy to move the conversation along, "this is Alasdair, Scott, Annie, Arthur, and Peter. Kids, these are my sons Matthew and Alfred. Mattie is the one a bit shorter than Al, and he's an Alpha. Al is an Omega."

All irritation present in Arthur's eyes vanished at her comment about Alfred being an Omega, and Alfred felt vaguely uncomfortable now under the boy's intense stare, uncertain of what had caused Arthur's sudden shift in mood. "A male Omega?" Mrs. Kirkland repeated, glancing down at her second-youngest son. "My son Arthur is one as well. Alasdair and Scott are Alphas, and Annie, Peter, and I are Betas, so Arthur feels a tad put out among us."

"Oh, I'm sure he and Alfred will become good friends." Alfred's mother assured, having noticed the way the two Omegas were now watching one another.

Even though he had only been nine at the time, Alfred understood that being a boy and an Omega wasn't easy. As far as he knew, he was the only boy at school that carried such a burden, and despite all the friends he had, he'd always felt set apart from them. But if Arthur Kirkland was an Omega too, that meant Alfred wasn't alone anymore! They would understand each other in ways their families couldn't, and while his parents and Matthew had tried throughout their childhood, they just didn't understand the stress Alfred's nature put him under.

Alfred never once blamed his family for not understanding, not even as the years wore on and things became more difficult. After all, he'd always had Arthur, and for a while, that was enough. He hadn't wanted anything more than the other Omega's friendship. But then Alfred began to see things in a different perspective than everyone else in his small, religious community.

Everyone else except Arthur, that is.

But Alfred hadn't known that when they first met, though even if he had foreseen the trouble his relationship with Arthur would cause, Alfred doubted he would've done anything different that first day when he invited Arthur upstairs to look at his comic book collection.

Regardless of how everything ended, it had all been worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: _I lied. This will probably be four parts. There's just so much that needs to be said.

* * *

A little over a year after they met, the boys were told of their heat cycles together.

Annie was helping Alfred, Matthew, and Arthur with their math homework when Alfred's father came home. The four of them had walked home from school together while Alasdair and Scott stayed behind for soccer practice. Or so Alfred called it. Arthur and the rest of his family still insisted on calling it football.

Alfred listened to every footfall against the tile of the floor as his father approached the kitchen table, abandoning his doodle to focus on the problem Annie had assigned him almost ten minutes ago. "What are you kids up to?" He asked, and Alfred felt his father's presence looming over him.

Alfred remembers his father to be a kind, gentle man of faith, not so strict a parent compared to his mother. He'd worked as a lawyer back in Al's youth – Lord knows what the man does now – and Alfred had really loved his father, even if he wasn't home much. He and Matt looked just like him, with chestnut-colored hair and eyes as blue as the sky above the fields Alfred loved to run in on the weekends while Arthur looked on and shook his head.

"I'm tutoring the boys in math." Annie explained, leaning close to Matthew's shoulder as she peered at whatever Alfred's twin was writing. "They're all very bright, but their skills need a bit of work."

"Some more than others." Arthur commented, grinning wickedly when Matthew looked up from his paper to glare at the British boy while Alfred kicked his shin underneath the table.

The twins' father laughed boisterously for a few moments before it died away, and though Alfred hadn't been able to see his father's face from his seat at the table, Annie had glanced up through curly fringes of her hair to regard the head of the Jones household in concern. "Mr. Jones?"

"Annie, why don't you take Matt out into the sitting room? When your mother gets here with Peter, I'm gonna take the three of you out for ice cream."

"Truly?" Annie exclaimed, smiling brilliantly at Matthew while Alfred and Arthur exchanged confused glances. Why exactly weren't _they _getting any ice cream? "Thank you, Mr. Jones! Matthew, we'll come back to this one later."

The young Alpha nodded as he pushed away from the table, shooting Alfred and Arthur a smug look before following Annie out of the room. Alfred stuck out his tongue at his brother's retreating back, but quickly sucked it back in when his father's hands landed heavily on his shoulders. "Just sit tight, boys." Alfred noticed that his dad's voice sounded a bit odd. "Your mothers will be back in a jiffy."

The two Omegas nodded, Alfred continuing to pretend to do math as his father left the room, fiddling with the cuffs of his work suit. Arthur was tapping his pencil against the tabletop, using his other hand to prop up his head as he watched the Alpha leave. "Well, that was odd."

"I want ice cream."

"I know you do, Alfred."

"How come we can't have any?"

"I have no idea." Arthur sighed, dropping his pencil and choosing instead to watch Alfred doodle on his worksheet. "Is that Captain America?"

"Uh-huh!" Alfred said, though he knew his drawing didn't look even remotely like Captain America. Arthur just knew it was the only thing Alfred would take the time to _attempt_ to draw. "Hey, did you get into trouble earlier?"

"What for?"

"For fighting with Gilbert again."

"That moron." Arthur hissed, pale hands clenching against the tabletop at the mere mention of his classmate. "One of these days, Al, I'm going to knock his teeth bloody."

Alfred giggled. "I bet everyone would like to see that."

Although their town was small, it seemed to attract many foreigners who had wanted a change of pace in their lives. In Alfred's grade alone there were kids that had been born in countries all across Europe. Gilbert Beilschmidt, the oldest child in a family from Germany, was one of those Alpha boys – like Alasdair and Scott – that believed Alfred and Arthur were abnormalities for being male Omegas; Arthur was the main target thanks to his large eyebrows and foreign accent. Alfred had been subjected to the boy's taunts long before Arthur had moved to town, so he'd grown passive towards the Alpha. But Arthur didn't have that kind of restraint.

Having been raised as an Omega in an Alpha-ruled household back in Nottingham, Arthur had learned pretty early on that if he wanted respect, he had to fight for it. Alasdair and Scott knew better than to mess with Arthur anymore, who at eleven years of age was pretty capable with his fists, but Gilbert had yet to receive the message.

Shouting matches were common between the two, though the only real fight they'd had took place nearly a year ago when Arthur first arrived. Alfred couldn't really remember what had been said, but the fight ended with the red-eyed Alpha running to their teacher with wet eyes and a broken nose. Arthur was told that if he was caught fighting in school again he would be kicked out, and Alfred had to practically beg the other Omega to not be so aggressive when things like that happened. If he got kicked out of school, what would Alfred do without him?

The rivalry had died down, but the two were far from friends.

"I'm sick of getting made fun of for being an Omega." Arthur said bitterly, and Alfred saw that look in his best friend's eyes again, the one even Alfred was afraid of. He couldn't describe it, but it made Arthur looked years older than he really was. "It's not fair."

"It's not." Alfred agreed, shrugging his shoulders when Arthur glanced over at him. "But there's nothing we can do about it. Stupid people are everywhere, Arthur. We have each other now, though, so it's okay."

Arthur continued to stare, that acidic look still present in his eyes for a moment longer before it disappeared. "I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right."

"Oh, shut it."

"Arthur!" The front door slammed then, and both boys flinched when the sound of Arthur's mother's voice flooded the first floor, accompanied by the sound of Peter's garbled noises. "Are you being a gentleman in there?"

"Yes, Mum!" Arthur called back, returning the sentiment from earlier by kicking Alfred's knee when the American boy began to snicker underneath his hand.

Alfred's mom returned home from sewing circle soon after, leaving Alfred's dad to take Annie, Matthew, and Peter out of the house while the two women joined their Omega sons in the kitchen. "What is it, Mom?" Alfred inquired, wondering briefly if they were in trouble. Surely they couldn't know about how they'd broken into the neighbor's barn over the weekend. They'd only wanted to play around in the hayloft! "Did something happen? Are we in trouble?"

"No, not at all. Unless there's something I'm not aware of?"

Alfred's mother had always been anything but easy to fool. "No, ma'am."

"We wanted to discuss something with the two of you." Mrs. Kirkland interjected, glancing from Arthur, to Alfred, and then back again. "Arthur, you'll be twelve in a few months, and while you're only ten, Al, we figured we ought to tell you both at the same time."

"Alfred?" Alfred's mom began, folding her hands neatly over the table. "You know how Mommy and Daddy had you and Mattie stay with Arthur's family for a few days last year?"

Alfred nodded. Their stay with the Kirklands had been the same as their stay with the Vargas's every year before, around Thanksgiving and with little to no contact with their parents. Alfred's mom always smelled funny for a few days before they left and for a few days after, though Alfred had thought nothing of it before.

It was more fun to stay with Arthur than it was to be with Lovino and Feliciano's family. Granted, Alfred loved hanging out with Feliciano, though his twin brother Lovino was a bit prickly, even on his best days. Matthew was always vaguely uncomfortable, while Alfred felt right at home with the loud and boisterous energy the Vargas family exhibited.

Staying with Arthur, however, was what Alfred found he preferred. He'd always enjoyed sleepovers with his best friend, staying up late and talking and laughing until one or the other fell asleep first. Alfred wondered why his mother was bringing that up now. It was only August, after all.

"Well, we do that, because once a year, during that time, I go into something called heat." Arthur began to fidget in his chair while Alfred blinked in confusion, mouthing the word silently to himself. "While I'm in heat, I have to stay with your dad at all times, and he takes care of me while you boys are away."

"Why? Are you sick?"

"No, not sick, honey. This is just something Omegas have to live with. When you start having heats, it means you're getting ready to have children of your own."

Arthur looked vaguely ill when Alfred spared a glance over at him. "So," Alfred began, frowning over at his mother, "you and dad are trying to have another baby?"

"Well, I stopped having heats for five years after you and Matt were born. After that, my body decided it was time to have more kids and I started having them yearly again. But so far, nothing's happened. And that's okay. You and Matt are certainly a handful on your own."

"Do you have heats, Mrs. Kirkland?"

Mrs. Kirkland shook her head. "Not necessarily. Heats are something only Omega females experience. Being a Beta, I can still have children, but I don't have to wait for a certain time of year to do it. Most Omegas go into heat during the fall and winter months so their babies are born in the spring or summer of the following year. Matthew and Alfred were born in July, while you and your brothers and sister are scattered about over the months, Arthur."

"What about male Omegas?" Arthur asked, speaking for the first time.

"That's exactly what we wanted to discuss with you. When you get older, your bodies will start to go through changes. And with those changes, come your heats." Alfred's mom explained. "Your bodies will be preparing to have children. For a full week each year, you both will go into a state that is your body's way of saying you're ready to have kids. It's very important that you stay indoors, and keep hydrated and well fed during that week, because you'll be losing a lot of energy, even if you're not doing much."

"Do we have to get Alphas?" Alfred asked, nose wrinkling at the thought. This heat thing didn't sound very fun. He didn't want to have kids. He didn't want to get sick each year and have to stay indoors for a week. A whole week! "Like... husbands? Like you and dad?"

"No." Mrs. Kirkland said firmly, shaking her head. "Even if male Omegas are born with the parts necessary for breeding, you're not supposed to take advantage of that."

"We're not?"

"No, Freddie. The only one capable of giving you a child that you yourself would carry, would be a male Alpha. And two men being together in such a way is a sin, you two. If you ever want to get married someday, it will be to a female Alpha or Beta. They'll take care of you during your heats, but you won't have any children. When the time is right, however, you'll be able to get your wife pregnant, because Alpha and Beta females don't require a knot to do so like Omegas do."

"What about two Omegas?" Alfred asked.

It was those words that would later be thrown back at Alfred when everything came to an end, though Alfred hadn't known at the time that it probably wasn't the wisest thing to say. He'd been genuinely curious, because some of the girl Omegas in his class were cute and _very_ nice, and he wouldn't mind marrying any of them when they were older.

"Especially not two Omegas, regardless of gender." Alfred's mother stressed. "God created Alphas, Betas, and Omegas to carry on the human race. Alpha, Beta, and Omega females can become pregnant by Alpha or Beta males. That was why we were created, to praise our Lord, carry on his works, and create more people to do so as well. Without a knot, Omega females cannot conceive, and since Omega males are physically unable to knot, a male and female Omega together cannot produce a child; it is blasphemous to try."

Alfred's head was spinning. Maybe Arthur understood what was being said, but none of this made a lick of sense to the azure-eyed boy. There were so many things to keep straight, so many things he and others shouldn't do, and it was hard to piece it all together. What the heck was a "knot" anyway? Like the kind on a rope swing? "Is it proven that male Omegas cannot make another Omega pregnant? Man or woman?" Arthur asked. "Or is this just speculation?"

"Like Mrs. Jones said, Alpha and Beta females don't require a knot to breed like Omegas do, Arthur." Mrs. Kirkland told her son. "Men like you can become pregnant, but that is against the ways of God, which is why you must be careful during your heats. If any male Alpha were to smell your heat scent and have direct access to you, he wouldn't be able to control his instincts, and you would wind up committing a mortal sin."

"How is it my fault if Alphas can't control themselves?"

"It's an Omega's duty to stay hidden within their homes throughout their heats. Since an Alpha can't control it, it's your duty to stop a bad situation before it happens. Does that make sense?"

Alfred nodded reluctantly, still confused, and while Arthur did the same, Alfred could just tell his best friend wasn't happy with what they'd been told, though the younger boy couldn't imagine why.

Arthur changed after that day. He began to question their faith and the society in which they lived at every turn, and it was often that Arthur climbed into Alfred and Matthew's bedroom in the middle of the night to snuggle up with Alfred after a bad fight in the Kirkland household.

Alfred on the other hand didn't think about being an Omega any more than he did before his talk with his mother and Arthur's. He continued to play rough with Matthew and the other Alphas at school, and encouraged Arthur to forget about what had happened and do the same.

* * *

In the months following, things started changing.

Girls in the grades above Alfred stopped showing up to school around Thanksgiving only to return a week later with the same look in their eyes that Arthur always had. They started noticing the Alpha and Beta boys and stopped talking about how they couldn't wait for their first heat. Arthur said they were finally getting a taste of how things were in the real world, unhindered by the fuzzy cloud put over them by their parents and the books they read, which glorified heats and child-bearing in general.

Scott and Alasdair got Omega girlfriends while Annie was developing and getting noticed by many boys around school. Alfred watched all of this through the eyes of a naïve, male Omega who had yet to hit puberty with his best friend at his side, who seemed to understand what was happening better than Alfred ever did but knew better than to discuss it with the other Omega.

Matthew and Alfred went to stay with the Kirklands again that year, though Alfred and Arthur stayed up in Arthur's room long after everyone else went to sleep and watched Alfred's house from down the street. Alfred had noticed how the light in his parents' bedroom was on, and he'd asked Arthur if maybe this time would be different, and he and Matt would have a new brother or sister come summer.

"Maybe." Arthur replied, forearms resting heavily on the windowsill as he stared out into the night, not as fascinated as Alfred but still willing to play along for the time being. "Though I don't think you want a younger sibling, Al. Peter's almost two years old and he's not even toilet-trained."

The year after that, more female Omegas from the neighboring high school disappeared, some coming back with a scent that Alfred later learned belonged to that of an expecting mother. But among the Omegas that didn't show up for school for a week and came back smelling like that, Arthur wasn't one of them.

When the British boy didn't show up for school one morning, Alfred thought nothing of it. Arthur was prone to getting sick in the fall, and while the American missed his friend's presence, he figured he would see him after school. But when he asked Annie on the walk home, she told him Arthur wouldn't be back in school for a few days, and that he'd gone into his first heat.

That week was the longest of Alfred's life, being denied contact with his best friend at every turn. It was so lonely without the other Omega around, especially when surrounded by others that talked about nothing but starting a family someday. Arthur was the only one that talked about normal things at that time of year, and while Matthew had provided sufficient company, he just wasn't the Omega companion Alfred had come to depend on.

After the week was over, Arthur was back to waiting for Alfred and Matthew with Alasdair, Scott, and Annie by the Jones' mailbox before school. Alfred tore out the door far earlier than usual, even forgetting to kiss his mother goodbye, and Alasdair and Scott snickered amongst themselves as Alfred skidded to a halt beside Arthur. "Are you okay?" He panted, giving his friend a quick once over.

Nothing seemed off about Arthur; he'd had that odd look the female Omegas had in their eyes after their first heat long before that day, though Alfred had noticed that Arthur seemed a little thinner, a little paler, much more tired than usual. Arthur smiled, tightening his grip on the straps of his backpack and bumping into Alfred's shoulder. Being almost a year and a half older, Arthur had always had a height advantage over Alfred, though the younger Omega was starting to catch up. "I'm fine, Al. Don't worry about me."

But that certainly didn't stop Alfred from fretting over Arthur's well being. His best friend wasn't the same after that. He wasn't as talkative as he'd been before, though he was more irate when it came to Gilbert or anyone else who dared mention the fact that he was an Omega.

Having been close since they arrived in the States, the Kirkland and Jones families were now notorious for sharing the same pew every Sunday during mass, with Alfred's parents and Arthur's mom on the ends while the kids stood in-between them with Alfred and Arthur in the middle. Arthur had always been more awake during mass than Alfred, though after his first heat, he paid attention with such ferocity that even Alfred couldn't get him to stray from the prayers or songs no matter what he tried. Arthur began to take their religion more seriously than any of the other kids, and while Alfred still didn't feel at peace in front of a crucifix, he couldn't find fault with Arthur for it.

If anything, he was happy that Arthur had finally accepted what their parents had been teaching them since they were small. And Mrs. Kirkland seemed pretty relieved, though Alfred found that he missed the nights when Arthur would crawl in bed with him unannounced, curling around the younger boy and shushing him whenever Alfred woke up at his arrival, whispering, "It's just me, Al. Go back to sleep."

Arthur had come to terms with it all, though Alfred's struggles were only beginning.

* * *

Alfred was babysitting Peter on his own toward the end of September in 1983, making faces for the toddler's enjoyment when the front door of the Kirkland house burst open. "I'm home!"

"Awthur!" Peter giggled, clapping his hands at the sound of his older brother's voice.

"That's right, that's Artie!" Alfred encouraged, clapping his hands along with Peter, somewhat excited himself that the fifteen-year-old was back. He could only talk to a toddler for so long before the conversations grew stale. "He's back from soccer practice, yay!"

"Please refrain from calling me 'Artie' in front of him." Arthur sighed as he walked into the living room, throwing himself down face-first on the couch without even bothering to kick off his soccer shoes. "He repeats everything."

"'Peats everything!"

"He talks kinda funny." Alfred muttered, leaning back against the couch and turning his head slightly to meet Arthur's exhausted emerald gaze. "Is that normal? For a four-year-old, I mean?"

"Mum says he's just developing at a slower pace than other kids. He's a bright child, though he did start talking late. Give it a few years time."

"How was practice?" Alfred asked. He'd always somewhat envied Arthur that the other boy was allowed to play sports. Omegas weren't normally permitted to do so unless given permission by the parents. While Arthur's mom had said okay to soccer, Alfred's said no. It annoyed the Omega to no end that while the rest of the kids in the Jones-Kirkland family – they'd become known around town as such since their two families were just that close – were allowed to play sports, he wasn't. He had to stay home and watch Peter until Lucie – Arthur's mom – came home from work around four-thirty.

"Horrible." Arthur muttered into the obnoxious-looking, mustard-colored fabric of his mother's couch. Alfred loved Lucie like a second mother, but her sense in home decor was downright awful. "Everyone's out of shape and Bielschmidt kept kicking the ball between my shoulder blades. I'll probably have a lovely bruise come tomorrow."

"I'm sure you left a few bruises on him, too."

"Perhaps I did tread on his toes a few times. Nothing too serious."

"Knew it." Alfred chuckled, pushing away from the couch and crawling over to Peter, who was waving around Alfred's old Captain America action figure. "Peter, Captain America doesn't fly."

Alfred continued to direct Peter in the proper way to play with the toy, forgetting Arthur for a moment to focus on his younger brother instead. When Alfred glanced back up, Arthur was watching him through half-lidded eyes, one arm draped over the edge of the couch so his fingertips were brushing lazily against the carpet.

"What?" Alfred asked. "Is there something on my face?"

"You're good with Peter."

Alfred blinked, handing the toddler another toy he'd been reaching for. "Umm, okay? Kinda random, Art."

"Have you ever thought about having kids, Al?"

Okay, something was definitely up. Arthur _never _talked about the future, especially not one that involved either of them having kids. Alfred wasn't sure what to say, understanding that his friend was a person of faith and that his response could be received badly if he didn't word it the right way. "You mean... having them myself? Carrying them, like our moms carried us?" Arthur said nothing, though his gaze wasn't as tired anymore. "Well... it's a sin, so I can't do that anyway. Maybe someday... if I meet the right girl, I'll want to have a family. But not now. Peter's like a brother to me. I'm sure it won't be as easy with my own kid, you know?"

"I don't know." Arthur said eventually, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "You seem like the fatherly type. I'm going to clean myself off."

Alfred nodded mutely, watching as Arthur disappeared down the hall and trudged up the stairs towards his bedroom without another word, leaving Alfred and Peter alone in the sitting room. It was becoming more and more obvious as time went on that Arthur was getting older. Alfred feared they were growing apart now that Arthur was in high school while he and Matthew were still eighth graders. Was Arthur getting too old for him now since he'd started his heat cycles and Alfred hadn't? It was all so confusing.

He didn't want to lose his best friend.

Alfred was pulled from his musings when Peter tugged on his sleeve, baby-blue eyes wide as he stared imploringly at Alfred. "Alfred sad?"

The Omega jolted, forcing a smile. "No, Peter, I'm not sad. I think I just need a nap."

"No nap!"

"No. No naps for Peter until Mummy gets home."

* * *

As it turned out, Alfred hadn't needed to worry much. When he entered high school the following year, things were almost back to how they'd been before Arthur's heat. Alfred had finally joined his twin brother and many others in looking at girls in a slightly different manner, though it wasn't proper to have such thoughts about a girl you weren't married to, and while Alfred wasn't overly religious, he still feared the wrath of God.

Many of Alfred's friends began to get girlfriends – the Vargas twins were especially notorious with the ladies – though Alfred himself wasn't really interested. When Matt got a girlfriend, an Omega from their grade named Lilli, Alfred couldn't have been happier, and he never once envied his brother. For sports, yeah, but never the girls. Alfred had plenty of girls that fancied him – or so Annie said – though he never noticed any. He did notice that Arthur didn't seem interested either, which made Alfred feel a million times better about his own disinterest in finding a mate.

That year was also when Alfred's parents said it was time for him and Matt to have separate bedrooms. They both had protested, though neither their mom nor their dad would budge on the matter, and Alfred found himself living alone in the room he'd shared with his twin for many years while Matt took the guest bedroom next door. Over time, they both came to appreciate the privacy, though it had been a hard adjustment.

The boys were especially relieved about the separation when on one October morning in 1984, Alfred woke up feeling strange. He was hot. Almost too hot, far too hot for any normal sickness. No matter how much he squirmed, he couldn't get comfortable, and his stomach wouldn't stop churning. The Omega made a move to sit up, and that was when he felt it.

"_Mom!"_

The Omega's mother came running at the sound of her son's panicked voice so early in the morning, barreling through the door with his dad and Matthew hot on her heels. "Alfred! What's the matter?"

"Umm... Caroline?" Alfred's dad muttered, placing a hand on Matt's shoulder, who was making a weird face, just as Alfred shrieked, "Something's _leaking _out of me!"

Alfred had always tuned out in school when his physical education teacher started to explain puberty to them all. Alfred had figured his mother told him everything he needed to know and left it at that, though she certainly hadn't mentioned that... _stuff _would be dripping out of his ass for a week!

His parents sent Matthew off to meet Arthur and his siblings for the walk to school while Alfred stayed up in his room, panting through the many waves of nausea and constant arousal that refused to leave him to his peace. The days following were a haze of urges left unfulfilled and strange noises that Alfred couldn't believe were coming from him. While his mom had always said to stay hydrated and fed, Alfred couldn't bring himself to eat, and he threw up whenever he tried.

It was obvious his mom didn't know how to deal with him, being a female Omega with a bonded mate to help her through her heats. She said she'd never gotten sick during her heats before she'd met his dad, and she wasn't certain what was causing Alfred to do so. All Alfred could remember from that time was his mom telling him that his body was screaming for a male Alpha, and he couldn't give in to it no matter how much he wanted to.

And God, how Alfred wanted.

Alone in his suffering with nothing but a pillow between his legs to help alleviate some of the pressure, Alfred found himself whining for a companion. For an Alpha, just as his mother had warned. But more than that, when Alfred managed to dig past all his primal instincts, he realized that some part of him didn't want an Alpha, male or female.

No, what he had wanted was an Omega.

He'd wanted Arthur.

His best friend used to sit with him all the other times he was sick during the winter, help him with homework he'd missed, and Alfred would have liked to say that that time was no different. But to an Omega in heat, with a mind completely wiped clean of any and all reason, that wasn't the case. Alfred wanted Arthur in bed with him, not beside it. Hell, Alfred wanted Arthur actually _in _him. The desire was so strong Alfred actually managed to release just from imagining it, though he felt disgusting for it afterward, sobbing loudly into his bed sheets and praying with everything he had that his family didn't come in to check on him.

The days began to blur together to the point where Alfred didn't even know how long it had been since he'd gone into heat, though it felt like years. Sometimes his mother's face swam before his eyes, though perhaps it was only a dream he'd had in the rare moments when he managed to fall asleep. But most of the time, he dreamed of Arthur.

One of the times when Alfred opened his eyes to find Arthur standing over him, something was different. The Arthur in his dreams would mount Alfred before the teen even realized the other Omega was there, though as Alfred peered up at _this_ Arthur, the other boy didn't move. "Artie?" Alfred mumbled, fingers tearing viciously at one of the pillows that wasn't tucked between his bare legs. "What – "

"Shh." Arthur hushed quietly, kneeling down beside Alfred's bed and running a hand through the Omega's sweaty hair, smiling softly. "Matthew's first basketball game was tonight, and I told your parents I would stay behind and keep an eye on you for a few hours. I hope you don't mind."

Alfred groaned, moving one hand from the pillow and choosing to grip at Arthur's arm instead. He wasn't sure if this was a dream or not, but at this point, he didn't care. Alfred could smell Arthur, and while it wasn't as appealing as an Alpha's might have been, it didn't matter, because it was Arthur. "Don't care. Just don't leave."

"I won't, love. I promise I won't."

When Alfred woke the next morning, Arthur was gone and the Omega was feeling normal – more or less. He managed to stumble downstairs for breakfast after cleaning away any traces of sweat, ejaculate, and heat slick from his body, though from the looks he was given by both his dad and Matthew, Alfred might as well have been completely covered in his own come.

His mom fretted over him all morning, making sure he had plenty to eat during breakfast and had nice, clean clothes to wear on his first day back to school, even though it was only a Friday and the students were being let out early for a pep-rally in honor of homecoming week. Matthew was waiting by the stairs when Alfred was finally ready to go, and the look his twin brother was giving him set Alfred off.

"What?" He snapped, startling the Alpha.

"How was it?" Matt asked, and while Alfred was annoyed, at least his brother wasn't beating around the bush.

"What do you think, Mattie? It was fucking horrible!"

Even Scott and Alasdair were subdued when Alfred and Matthew walked to the end of their driveway, and Annie pushed back a stray lock of Alfred's hair before they all started off. Alfred refused to look at Arthur, certain that he'd dreamed all encounters with the other Omega during his heat. Now that his mind was clear, Alfred was realizing how wrong that heat had been. He'd lusted over his guy best friend, and that was a sin in the eyes of the Church. But, Alfred reasoned, he'd been under the influence of his hormones at the time, and he was determined not to let it happen again so long as he was able-minded.

All Alfred was truly certain of was that he now understood why the female Omegas always came back to school with a dark, hooded look in their eyes.

In the days following Alfred's first heat, the Omega began to wonder if... maybe... the things he'd experienced during the week had actually been a long time coming. Alfred found himself looking at boys in the way he looked at girls. It wasn't in an overtly sexual manner, just Alfred examining the lines of their jaws, the way the arm muscles flexed when they moved, deciding that he very much enjoyed what he was seeing.

And that terrified him, especially when it was Arthur that Alfred found himself staring at.

After having more or less lived together for over six years, Alfred knew Arthur's body almost as well as he did his own or Matthew's. They'd had plenty of sleepovers, had changed in the same room, and Alfred didn't have to imagine what was underneath the other Omega's clothing.

Alfred took an interest in Arthur's sports in a way he hadn't before, accompanying his best friend to practices and games without having to be asked. Sometimes he was forced to bring Peter along, which made it a bit awkward when Alfred began to enjoy watching Arthur run around in the school issued soccer shorts. Arthur was practically fluid on the field, expression utterly concentrated as he weaved in and out amongst the other players. Arthur was always breathless and tired once it was over, though the smile he would shoot over at Alfred, sitting alone with little Peter on the sidelines, was so full of life and energy that Alfred felt horrible for refusing to come to his friend's sporting events in the years past.

He made a promise to fix that, soccer shorts be damned.

* * *

When his parents and Arthur's mom finally decided they were all too old to continue having sleepovers, Alfred had been terrified, worried that they'd picked up on his impure thoughts, though they were all really too old to be having sleepovers anyway, at least ones where they slept in close quarters together. But it also made him realize that his thoughts were just that – impure.

During mass that Sunday, when the priest gave all those gathered the opportunity to pray for the intentions held close in their hearts, Alfred actually found himself doing just that. He closed his eyes, folded his hands, and prayed; prayed to God to help him in any way he could, to not make him different, to not have sexual thoughts about boys in the ways he did with girls, Arthur especially. Alfred knew even then nothing good would come of it, and he'd desperately prayed for a solution.

But, the universe worked in strange ways.

Instead of the enlightening touch of the Lord, Alfred received a very warm and _very _real sensation against the side of his knee. Upon opening his eyes, Alfred noticed that there was a leg pressing insistently against his own, and when he dared to glance over a bit, Arthur was watching him with concern. Alfred could've laughed in the middle of the priest's homily. Arthur was actually concerned that Alfred was praying during mass for a change. The Omega managed to keep quiet, offering his friend a half-hearted smile that resulted in Arthur pulling his leg away.

The praying didn't work. The thoughts didn't go away. And as days wore on, Alfred became increasingly depressed and withdrawn, even feigning sickness so he didn't have to go to school in the morning, didn't have to see Arthur.

Two weeks after that day in church, Alfred was sitting in his bedroom with Arthur, silently doing homework and recuperating from a long day of spending time with both of their families. Arthur was staring out the window, cheek pressed tightly against the glass and creating fog with his breath. Alfred watched while continuing to pretend to do homework, mesmerized by the rise and fall of Arthur's chest, and while the younger Omega was completely focused on his friend, he didn't notice when the sixteen-year-old pulled away from the window. "Alfred?"

The younger boy jumped, scowling when he accidentally dragged his pencil across his homework page. "Dammit. Yeah, Artie?"

Arthur watched silently as Alfred erased the mark he'd made for a few moments. "Are you all right? You've been acting strange lately, and honestly, I'm becoming worried. Everyone is."

Alfred bit his lip, feeling conflicted. His secret was starting to weigh heavily on his mind, and he wanted to tell someone, though he'd never imagined that someone would be Arthur. "Artie, I – I need to go to confession."

Arthur frowned. "Since when have you ever willingly gone to confession?" When Alfred only sulked sullenly, Arthur straightened. "Do you need me to drive you?"

"No. It's something I think I have to do alone."

"What do you need to confess?" Dead silence. "Alfred? Did you do something?"

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I've been – " Alfred blurted out before cutting himself off, gently closing his textbook with a giant sigh. His hands were shaking. "I've been having... thoughts."

"Thoughts?" Arthur repeated, pushing away from the wall Alfred's bed was pressed against and beginning to move closer. Alfred was acutely aware of every move the other Omega made. "What kind of thoughts?"

"Bad ones." Alfred muttered, glaring at the cover of his textbook even as Arthur grabbed it out of his hands and gently lowered it to the floor. "About... other boys."

"Really now?" Arthur murmured, grabbing Alfred's legs and pulling them out from under him, helping the younger Omega to swing them around. Alfred moved without complaint, scooting forward to sit on the edge of the bed and throwing his pencil off to the side, not caring where it landed. Arthur sat beside him, though Alfred could tell he was trying too hard to make sure they weren't touching unnecessarily, which he had been grateful for at the time.

It was one of the things he'd loved about Arthur, how the older Omega had never forced him into anything, let Alfred figure things out at his own pace. Without that patience, Alfred doubts he would've ever come to the conclusion that maybe the world they lived in wasn't so black and white after all.

"What boys?" Arthur continued, and while Alfred could tell his friend was looking at him, he refused to meet his gaze, afraid of what he might find there.

"Alfred." Alfred felt a touch on his chin and then his head was being unceremoniously whipped to the side, and Arthur was looking at him through green eyes narrowed with urgency. While Arthur had been patient, there were also times when that quality of his wore thin, especially where Alfred was involved. "What. Boys."

Alfred grit his teeth, yanking his head away from Arthur's grasp and refusing to look at him once again. "Gilbert's younger brother. Antonio from shop class. But... it's usually just you."

"Only usually? Nevertheless, I don't blame you. Ludwig and Antonio are rather dashing."

"Arthur!"

Arthur laughed, and Alfred gaped over at him. This was not at all the response he'd been expecting, least of all from Arthur, who was almost as religiously inclined as their parents. "What?" Arthur chuckled, noticing Alfred's stare. "Did you want me to douse you with holy water and try to drive a stake through your heart?"

"Anything other than this!" Alfred exclaimed. "I mean... aren't you mad?"

"Why should I be?"

"Well, homosexuality is against the Bible."

Arthur stopped laughing, though Alfred couldn't help but think that his friend looked relieved, despite the frown on his face. "Al, you know how I fell away from the faith when we were kids?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's because I thought most of what was taught was a bunch of rubbish. I was angry with God that apparently love was defined by your nature and what sex you were born as, though I eventually realized that it wasn't God saying those things. It was humanity, our neighbors, our parents. _They_ were the ones that told us that day that it wasn't okay to love someone of the same gender, and, for us at least, of the same nature. God is benevolent, Alfred. He's not going to damn you to Hell for liking a man, or another Omega. He created us out of love, and it's our duty to spread that love. It doesn't matter to whom."

"But the Bible – "

"Enough with the Bible! It also states that one shouldn't touch the skin of a pig, yet you Americans are all too fond of your own version of football."

Alfred didn't think footballs were made out of pigskins anymore, though he stayed quiet. They had been at one point, so Arthur was sort of right.

"You're a right imbecile." Arthur said, though his voice was kind. "I was so worried something awful had happened to you since your heat. But really, there's nothing wrong with you."

"I was afraid of what you'd say." Alfred said honestly. "That you wouldn't – That you don't – "

"Hey," Arthur said, quieting Alfred's rambling, "remember what I said? I won't leave you. I promise."

Alfred averted his gaze, cheeks burning. So, that last vision of Arthur during his heat hadn't been a dream after all. "It took a lot of convincing to get your parents out of the house." Arthur said. "It's only because I'm an Omega as well that they allowed me to stay with you. I'm not driven into a lust-crazed stupor at your heat scent, though it did take a lot of will power on my part not to have my way with you."

"Oh, God." Alfred groaned. "Wait, does that mean you're... "

Alfred trailed off, waiting with bated breath for Arthur to deny what he was implying. But thinking back to how Arthur had been acting all these years, the younger Omega doubted the response would be a negative one.

"I think I always have been." Arthur said. "I became so angry when Mum told me two men couldn't be together, though I didn't know why. I had to think about it a lot."

"What made you decide?"

"Thinking about you. About how I wouldn't mind being publicly mated to you, if circumstances were different."

Now this was just plain ridiculous. Alfred shouldn't have felt as elated as he did, though he didn't attempt to hide it. "What made _you_ figure it out?" Arthur countered, expression curious as he continued to observe Alfred.

"During my heat, I wanted you there with me." Alfred replied, and it was just that easy. No stuttering, no feelings of shame. Perhaps this was God finally answering his prayers, giving Alfred the strength and courage to talk about this with the one that mattered most. "I mean, I wanted a knot. Like, seriously, I've never wanted anything more in my life. But... the _Alfred_ part of me, the part not controlled by heat instincts, just wanted you. That scared me, but that's when I knew."

"It's okay to be afraid."

"Two Omegas together like that... it's not natural, Arthur. And we're not supposed to carry children either. Our moms said it was a mortal sin."

"Why would God give us the necessary tools to conceive if it wasn't all right?" Arthur demanded, and his eyes lit up with a green fire that Alfred had come to love over the years. "Why put us through the torture of going through our heats alone and in pain? Maybe it's a test of faith, though I doubt it. We're no lesser than Alphas or Betas, even if everyone else says we are. God just wants us to be happy. Don't you want to be happy, Alfred?"

"I want to not be so confused." Alfred admitted quietly, eyes growing wet as Arthur reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, finally breaking the barrier he'd set between them. "I want to be able to figure out what the hell is wrong with me without feeling like a freak for it. If that means being happy then, yeah, I want that."

"You're not a freak, Al." Arthur insisted, though they both knew that wasn't true; in the eyes of the society they lived in, that is. There was something unexplored between Arthur and Alfred, and if they were to experiment, see where this would lead, they'd be condemned if anyone found out. They would be freaks then, set apart from everyone else in ways being male Omegas hadn't already.

Alfred didn't know if he wanted to risk it. Alone in his room with Arthur, it felt as if nothing could touch them. But out there, in the real world, there were judgmental eyes and cruel words. Even now, Alfred's parents were downstairs, his dad probably reading the paper while his mom began preparations for the massive lunch they would all share after mass in the morning. Matthew was in the room next door, sleeping or doing homework just as Alfred had been trying to do previously.

They had no idea what was happening behind the closed door of Alfred's bedroom, had no reason to worry that sinful things might occur. Arthur was a person Mr. and Mrs. Jones both wanted Alfred and Matthew to look up to, a leader in both school life and in one of faith. Alfred didn't want anyone thinking ill will of Arthur if something was discovered. Arthur was too good of a person for that.

"This isn't something you can change about yourself." Arthur was saying. "Believe me, I've spent many years praying about it. Whether or not you want to act on your desires is another story entirely, and it's a decision no one can make for you, not even me. So, just think about it. You're my best friend, Al. I just want you to be happy."

"You're my best friend, too." Alfred said, though it went without saying. "And you're like my brother. Which makes this pretty weird for me, just so you know."

Arthur smirked, squeezing Alfred's shoulders once before releasing him. Alfred frowned at the loss of heat and contact. "It's all the more taboo then. Imagine the fun we can have."

"I don't think I want any part in any fun you'll be having." It was a bit off-putting to go back to teasing each other as they normally would. Alfred couldn't imagine that Arthur – if he'd harbored feelings for Alfred as long as he'd said he had – was okay with waiting for Alfred to figure out what he wanted. Arthur was a pretty affectionate person if the mood suited him, though he was also a master at hiding his emotions. He could be falling apart on the inside and nobody would ever know, aside from maybe Alfred, who was practiced in the art of reading even the tiniest hint of emotion in Arthur's eyes. "You do know there's a good possibility that you're wrong and we'll be going to Hell for this, right?"

"Maybe so. But at least we'll have each other on the ride down."


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: _I don't even know how long this will be anymore, so don't take me seriously if I start guessing again. It just keeps getting _longer._

* * *

Alfred had to get glasses the summer before his sophomore year of high school.

Mattie thought it was hilarious up until the day his eyesight started failing as well, and the Jones twins were once again identical in almost every way. Or only to those who didn't know them well enough to tell the two apart by the color of their respective frames – Alfred blue, Matthew red.

"I think they look nifty!" Feliciano chirped, looming over Alfred's shoulder with a look of wonder in his eyes, taking every stroke of the Omega's pencil in with excitement. Alfred's bored habit of doodling on his homework had long since turned into an actual talent. If he couldn't play sports, then at least he had this. "Really, Al, you don't look as ridiculous as you think!"

"No one says 'nifty' anymore, Feli." Alfred teased, reaching up to push the spectacles further up his nose. He fidgeted with the sketchbook in his lap, glancing up from their place in the bleachers to watch the practices going on around them.

The cross-country team was sprinting across the grass at the south end of the field, a few feet beyond a soccer goal, and if Alfred squinted, he thought he could make out the figures of Lovino and Antonio. A Beta and an Alpha – always competing with one another. Alfred smiled to himself before shifting his gaze over to the soccer players, the main reason the young Omega was even there in the first place.

They were currently taking a water break, and he saw Ludwig and Gilbert first, arguing over something or other just as they always were. Honestly, even Alfred and Matthew didn't fight that much. Arthur was a few feet away from them, raising his arms above his head in a stretch before he bent over, gripping at his calves and holding the position for – what Alfred assumed to be – longer than necessary. The Omega's jersey rode up in the back a little, exposing slightly tanned skin, and Alfred had to look away.

"What are you lookin' at, Al?"

"Nothin', really." Alfred commented off-handedly, tearing his gaze away from the field to stare instead at his sketchbook instead. "I'm kinda stuck here. Just looking for inspiration."

Feliciano squirmed in his spot next to Alfred, perspiration starting to appear at his hairline. The two of them had been in the bleachers for over an hour now, Feliciano attempting to do homework while Alfred drew anything that caught his attention. Which was mostly Arthur, though anything incriminating was stashed away in another sketchbook that no one was allowed to see. But sometimes, Alfred couldn't help it. While watching the team play, Alfred became so enthralled by the movement that he almost hadn't realized what he was doing until a pair of legs took shape on his paper.

At this point, Alfred was still coming to terms with everything he'd been discovering about himself, and while things were still uncertain, he'd become more comfortable. Arthur never said much unless Alfred brought it up first, and even then they never made much progress. True to their nature, the two Omegas – while pretty rambunctious in their own way – were still skittish around one another when alone, and to vent out his frustrations, Alfred took to drawing.

Drawing had never been easy for him, though he'd become quite good while practicing in the privacy of his bedroom. He started out with inanimate objects before turning to animals, and was now trying to start on humans. It was easiest to draw faces, like Arthur's, who was the most likely person in Alfred's life to sit still for copious amounts of time. In addition, the British Omega's concentration levels were off the charts. Alfred could enter a room while his friend was studying for a test, draw his entire head in explicit detail, and leave without ever being noticed.

"I could model for you!" Feliciano exclaimed suddenly. "That's the assignment for Monday, right? Draw a human?"

An artist himself, the Beta had been ecstatic when Alfred expressed interest in drawing, all too willing to help the blue-eyed American until stick figures began to take actual human form. Drawing was the only class the two shared, though Alfred found that they stuck together whenever they could now. He'd always liked Feliciano Vargas, but never had their relationship been on the same level as his friendship with Arthur.

It probably never would be, but they were pretty darn close.

"That's what I'm trying to do now." Alfred huffed, frowning when the coach blew his whistle and the players – Arthur included – hustled back onto the middle of the field. "Or... I think so, anyway."

"You only think so?"

"Well, I was trying to sketch that tree over by the parking lot." Alfred explained, waving his pencil over in the general direction. "And next thing I know there are legs on my paper. And they actually don't look like shit, which is weird. You know how bad I am at human anatomy."

Feliciano frowned, maroon eyes narrowing as he studied the paper in Alfred's lap. "Huh, you're right. Those actually look proportionate."

"Gee, thanks."

"Were you drawing one of the players? I think that line you started above the calf is supposed to be a sock."

Alfred shrugged, though he had a nagging suspicion that he'd probably started drawing either Arthur or Ludwig. And by the definition of the muscle, significantly smaller than the German Alpha's, it was probably Arthur. "I don't even know. My hand is cramping anyway."

Alfred started to turn the page when Feliciano caught his wrist, snatching the sketchbook before Alfred could even register what had happened. "Hey!" The Omega yelped. "Give that back!"

The sound of a ball being kicked caught Alfred's attention, along with Ludwig shouting something in German, and Feliciano glanced toward the field briefly before waving Alfred away. "Hold on a second, Al, let me look at this. I wanna help!"

"Fine." Alfred grumped, scowling when his dumb glasses slipped further down his nose, the edges slicked with sweat. Really, how long was this practice going to last? Alfred was pretty sure he'd heard his mother say something about him having to walk home alone if Arthur's practice ran late, that Alfred needed to be home for some reason or other. Alfred didn't really want to leave without Arthur, but there was only so much the Omega could take.

Even from that far away, Arthur looked just as miserable as Alfred felt, panting heavily with his hands on his hips as the offensive players worked out a play that Alfred was certain they'd been trying to perfect even before the break had started. Coach Vargas – Feliciano's surprisingly youthful grandpa – was pretty much one of the coolest guys Alfred had ever met, but during practice, he was almost an entirely different person, someone even Gilbert wouldn't dare talk back to. They could all easily be there long after supper if they didn't get the movements right.

"I got it!" Feliciano piped up, snapping his fingers. "You can't draw it, because you've never seen it before!"

"Huh?" Alfred replied, distracted when Arthur used the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat and dirt from his face.

"When I was learning how to draw anatomy, I couldn't put the parts onto paper because I couldn't visualize what I was going to draw before I drew it." Feliciano explained. "I'd never seen a naked human body before. So, I took some magazines from my grandpa's room and looked at the pictures until I had a good mental image of what I had to draw. It was almost too easy after that!"

Alfred felt slightly ill, though he shouldn't have been very surprised. Feliciano had tried to show him "those pictures" before, which only made Alfred more aware of the fact that girls weren't his first choice. To make matters worse, he'd felt dirty when he looked at them, as if he were disrespecting the women in the photos. "So, what you're saying is that I need to _really _look at a naked person, and then I'll be able to draw anatomy?"

The Beta nodded enthusiastically. "For me, it's easier to draw them naked and then add clothes after. Maybe it's the same for you! I don't know how Mrs. Adams would feel if you turned in a nude portrait, though."

Feliciano started to laugh then, and after a moment, Alfred joined in. "This is crazy." The Omega said after a moment, removing his glasses to wipe a lone tear from the corner of his eye. "I can't stare at a picture of some naked guy until I can draw him!"

"You could draw a girl." Feliciano replied, and Alfred's breathing faltered, fearful that he'd said the wrong thing. "I can give you one of Grandpa's magazines, if you want."

"Sure." Alfred agreed, purposefully trying to fill his voice with as much eagerness as possible. "That would be awesome!"

Feliciano smiled, obviously pleased that he was helping, but then blinked when the coach's whistle blew, signaling the end of practice. "Wow, that didn't last long at all. Remember when we had to stay behind to help clean up the lunchroom after that food fight last year, and they were _still _doing drills when we left? Grandpa didn't come home with Lovi until really late."

Alfred nodded, remembering how Feliciano had taken the blame for Lovino when the principal demanded to know who had started the fight. Alfred had nearly choked on his bubble gum when his friend spoke up, voice calm and clear as he said, "I'm sorry. I thought it would be fun."

Afterward, when Alfred joined his friend in cleaning up after school just because he felt bad, he couldn't help but ask, "Why'd you say you did it?"

"He's been in enough trouble this year." Feliciano had replied, "he" being Lovino. The young Beta scrubbed fiercely at a grease stain on one of the windows, frowning while Alfred looked on in confusion and awe. "He would've gotten suspended if the principal found out the truth, and then _fratello_ wouldn't be able to be on the cross-country team anymore. At least I don't have much to lose."

Alfred had decided then that Feliciano was much more brave than anyone gave him credit for, and it wasn't fair that the Beta was well-known for crying during a dissection in freshman year biology class. Alfred remembered Arthur pulling him underneath the table when Lovino flung a spoonful of mashed potatoes at Antonio, who in turn retaliated and started a full-blown food war. "Only in America." Arthur had muttered, rolling his eyes as a teacher entered the cafeteria and started screeching for everyone to settle down.

"Does this never happen in Britain?"

"Oh, it does, surely. Just not over a reason as idiotic as who has the best American accent."

Lovino had looked anxious when the principal showed up, only for that anxiety to switch to horror when Feliciano – covered in ketchup – stood up to take responsibility. Alfred had to admit that Lovino would've gotten into more trouble than Feliciano did, suspension being the probable outcome while Feliciano got off with two-hour detentions after school for an entire week.

Alfred stayed behind every day just to wait for his friend, sending his brother, Arthur, Annie, Scott, and Alasdair on their way without him. The Omega suffered major boredom while waiting those two hours out by himself, though it had been worth it to see the forlorn expression on Feliciano's face disappear when the Beta saw Alfred sitting just outside the door, waiting for him.

"Here." Alfred blinked at the sound of Feliciano's voice, realizing the boy was holding something out for him.

"Feli, _why _are you carrying a _Playboy_ around in your backpack?"

"Grandpa doesn't know I have it. Put it away, put it away!"

Laughing and feeling only a little bit queasy, Alfred stuffed the offending magazine into his backpack, right in-between his History and Geometry textbooks. Now he'd have to work up the courage over the weekend to dig the thing out and stare at it long enough to acquire a mental image of a woman's body. Maybe he could force himself to like women more than men. Alfred would have to make sure his parents weren't home. Or Matthew. Or even Arthur.

Especially Arthur.

"Al!" The two art students looked down the bleachers to find Arthur standing there, toting his duffel and a soccer ball that was way past its prime, twirling his car keys around in his left hand. "Come on, or we'll be late for dinner."

"You guys live only a few blocks away." Feliciano said as Alfred gathered his things, shoving his sketchbook and pencil into his backpack and zipping it up. "How come you have the car?"

"Arthur doesn't like to walk home after soccer practice. Too tired. Comin', Artie!"

On the short drive home, Arthur was more talkative then usual, not that Alfred minded any. It was easier to just listen nowadays than it was to talk, and Arthur seemed to have no problems filling the silence that Alfred would've destroyed only a few months ago. "Next time we have to stay late because of Gilbert, I'm going to hide his clothes when he goes to rinse off after gym. Ludwig is growing irked as well. I thought there was going to be a brawl during the break."

Alfred grunted, hot and tired and all too aware of the _Playboy _crammed into his bag. Some part of him was paranoid that Arthur knew it was there. As if to confirm these thoughts, Arthur went on to say, "Hey, what did Feliciano give you after practice? It looked important."

"Oh, that?" Alfred replied, lolling his head to the left side so he could look at Arthur. "It was some art magazine. I'm having problems with drawing. Feli thought it would help me."

"Do you think it will?"

Alfred hesitated, watching a bead of sweat slide down Arthur's temple. "I sure hope so."

* * *

There were a few high school students in town that some had expected to drop out before senior year, but Annie Kirkland had never been one of them.

Alfred walked over to Arthur's house with Matthew on a Saturday in 1985. Alasdair and Scott had promised to take the twins fishing to keep them out of their mother's hair while she cleaned the house from top to bottom. Alfred was excited, chattering nonstop to Matthew on the walk over, only to find Arthur and Peter sitting on the porch swing with odd expressions on their faces.

"Hey." Alfred greeted, though he didn't know how to continue when Arthur looked up at him with eyes as acidic as Gilbert Beilschmidt's.

"Is something the matter?" Matthew inquired, and both boys flinched when they heard a shout from inside, accompanied by the sound of a door being slammed. "What the heck – "

"Mum's upset." Peter said. At six, most of the boy's speech problems were gone, though he was much more quiet than any of his siblings, more like Matthew despite the fact that they weren't related. Alfred, who was the kid's primary babysitter, thought that Peter was just scheming, a thinker – much like Arthur – who wouldn't say much unless it was important or his temper got the better of him.

"Annie plans to drop out of school." Arthur said before Alfred or Matthew could reply. "She told us as much during breakfast."

"What?" Alfred and Matthew said simultaneously. Alfred couldn't believe it! Annie had always been the smartest person he knew, helping them all with their tougher subjects until they were nearly experts themselves. She'd always loved school, found excitement in learning new things, and even when they were children she'd talked about becoming a teacher herself someday. If she dropped out of school now, what would happen to her?

"Did she say why?" Mattie asked, taking a seat on the porch next to one of the banisters while Alfred sat down in the empty spot beside Peter, taking the boy's hand when he reached for him. "Did something happen to make her want to quit?"

"She's pregnant." Arthur sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair restlessly and nodding grimly when Alfred looked to him with wide, azure eyes. "I know, I was shocked as well. I thought she smelled a bit peculiar, but I thought nothing of it."

"Did she say who the dad was?"

"Some Alpha in her grade. He lives in Anderson but makes the commute here for school. Apparently, they met at a football game."

"And by football, you mean_ real _football, right?"

"They're getting married and Annie is moving to Anderson with him." Arthur continued, ignoring Alfred's comment. "She told Mum that she hoped we could still be a family and Mum completely lost it. They've been fighting for a good half hour, now."

Alfred frowned, not exactly angry with Annie's decision but instead filled with sorrow for her. He knew Annie well enough to understand that this whole thing was most likely an accident, that she'd always wanted a family but planned on waiting until she was older to have one. Now that this had happened, Annie and her mate were probably only trying to do the right thing by marrying to give their child a stable living environment. That was all Alfred could hope for in that situation, though he knew Lucie Kirkland wasn't going to accept it easily.

In their religion, sex outside of marriage was almost as taboo as two people of the same gender being together – or two Omegas. There had to be time for the bond to take before the actual mating began, and while you could choose a partner while you were young and stay with them, you couldn't act on any desires until the vows were spoken and the union was solidified in the eyes of the Lord.

While not as devout as Arthur, Annie took their faith seriously, and the knowledge of what she had done must have destroyed her inside. Alfred could only imagine how scared the Beta was, and he knew that if he were in her situation, he would want the strength and acceptance of his mother as well. But from the shrieking going on just inside the door, Annie wasn't getting that.

"She'll have to go to confession." Matthew said suddenly, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin atop them. "I doubt Lucie will agree to this if she doesn't."

Alfred loved Matthew. Really, he did. But he was so stuck in the ways of their faith sometimes that Alfred grew annoyed. Sex before marriage was bad, sure, but at least Annie was trying to make up for her mistakes. And if she wanted to apologize to God, she could pray to Him directly without having to shame herself in front of Father Todd.

But, Alfred reasoned, he'd been willing to go to confession when he told Arthur about his thoughts towards other boys. The Omega couldn't expect others to see reason when he himself hadn't been any wiser a few short months ago.

"That's what they're shouting about. Mum said she has to go to confession and get married before she leaves, but Annie told her they weren't ready to wed yet. She plans on leaving with him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Alfred echoed, feeling sad. That didn't leave much time to say goodbye.

He could only imagine how Arthur felt about all this. Despite being as religious as they come, the emerald-eyed Omega wouldn't possibly damn his sister for any of this. Arthur had always been closer to Annie than any of his other siblings, and with her gone, who would he have to talk to?

Peter was too young – even now, he was looking among the three of them, baby blue eyes wide with fright in the midst of a situation he didn't know how to deal with. Alasdair and Scott had graduated high school last spring – Scott a year ahead of other kids his age – and while they had mellowed out since their youth, the two Alphas still weren't Arthur's first choice in company. But whenever the oldest Kirkland brothers decided to leave and start families of their own, it would just leave Arthur and Peter.

Alfred suddenly realized his odd little family was growing smaller far too quickly.

The front door suddenly slammed open, revealing Lucie. Her graying, blonde hair was pulled up into a haphazard bun, more than a few strands falling on front of her face, and as she stepped further out onto the porch, shutting the door behind her, Alfred noticed she was wearing jeans and an old t-shirt. That in itself was odd. It wasn't often that Lucie left her house looking so casual. "Caroline is home, yes?" She said briskly, stomping past Matthew and down the steps, off toward the Jones' house. "I'll be back in a while, boys."

No one said anything as they watched the woman start off down the street, obviously upset and desperate to be in the company of someone who would understand her frustrations. Alfred knew his mother was perfect for that job.

After a few tense moments of silence, the door opened once more. Scott came out first, followed by Alasdair, and while Alfred hadn't expected Annie to make an appearance, he was still disappointed when the redhead didn't follow. "Well, that was lovely." Scott said drily, glancing past Alfred and Peter to lock eyes with Arthur. "You could hear all of that, yeah?"

"Every word." Arthur replied, crossing his legs and leaning back against the porch swing, draping his right arm over the back of it, behind Peter and Alfred. The seat began to swing slowly with the movement, and Alfred pushed his shoulder back against Arthur's wrist. "Where's Annie?"

"Upstairs." Alasdair replied, reaching out to grasp Matthew's shoulder when the younger boy stood up. Alfred thought the man looked exhausted and near tears himself, but this was Alasdair Kirkland. He'd just as soon be an Omega than show weakness in front of them all. "You ready to get going?"

"Take Peter with you." Arthur interjected, smiling softly when the six-year-old whipped his head to the side to look at him. "Yes, you."

"But Mum said I couldn't go!"

"Eh, what Mum doesn't know won't hurt her." Scott said, grabbing the young Beta's hand and coaxing him into standing. "She'll probably be at Aunt Caroline's house for a few hours. Don't you want to see Mattie run away screaming when we get out the worms?"

"Oh, whatever, Al and I were ten when we last went fishing, let it go."

Alfred watched all of this at Arthur's side, and when the four boys left the cover of the porch, moving towards Scott's car, Alfred began to stand only to pause when he felt a hand on the back of his neck. Rather than continue to get up and leave Arthur alone on the porch, Alfred settled back down, turning to glance at the other Omega. "Are you not coming?"

"No." Arthur replied, eyes focused as he played with the hair at the nape of Alfred's neck. The younger of the two Omegas glanced out onto the lawn, just to make sure that no one was paying attention to them. "With Peter going, we wouldn't all fit in the car. Besides, someone should stay here with Annie."

"Do you want me to hang back?"

Arthur shook his head. "No, you – "

"Arthur Kirkland." Alfred jumped and Arthur pulled his hand away, and while more outwardly composed than Alfred, the green-eyed Omega was definitely startled. Annie had appeared out of nowhere, puffy-eyed and obviously shaken but still grinning at the two Omegas who were staring at her like deer caught in the headlights. "When was it that you started looking after me and not the other way around?"

"Are you okay?" Alfred blurted out. "I mean – "

"I'm fine, Al." Annie reassured him, though she was watching Arthur. "Mum will get over it. And I can't change the way she feels, so why be upset? Come on, we're going fishing, too!"

"We can't all fit Scott's car, Ann."

Annie grinned, holding up a pair of keys that Alfred realized belonged to Lucie, whose own car was currently in the garage. "Really, what more do I have to lose?"

* * *

Annie's departure marked another change in Alfred's life.

While the goodbye had been filled with tears and well wishes, Alfred's parents and Arthur's mom had also been filled with a new resolve to further institute religion into their remaining children's lives.

For Alfred, the Bible readings before bed were a complete and total bore and did nothing but convince him that everything was being shoved down his throat. And every slip-up he happened to make was completely blown out of proportion! He said the Lord's name in vain and was grounded for a week. Matthew didn't wake himself up in enough time for mass and was forced to go the following Saturday as well as on Sunday to make up for it.

But the worst of it was when Alfred's mom was cleaning his room and happened upon the _Playboy_ magazine Feliciano had given him. Alfred came home from school that day and was immediately hustled into the car and taken straight to the home of their local priest – Father Todd – for confession. It was pretty much the most humiliating moment of Alfred's life, especially since he hadn't even found the time to think about the offending magazine, much less look at it, and to have his mother stand nearby while he recounted a series of false lies to a man who had baptized him when he was an infant… well, Alfred was completely red throughout the entire experience.

He started distancing himself from his parents, lost interest in almost everything, and spent more time in his room drawing instead of spending time with his family and friends. It was hard; for Alfred especially. As a naturally social person, that mood of indifference he always seemed to be in was off-putting and a little frightening. He wasn't sure how to deal with it, and no one was giving him the time or space to process it all.

Alfred's mother went into heat later than usual that year, a week or so before Christmas, and since he and Matthew were past the age where they needed to stay with the Kirklands for a week, Alfred found himself lying awake at night and trying to ignore his mom's sickening wails of pleasure.

He regretted forgoing the annual stay with the Kirklands. Really, he did. No matter how many blankets he buried himself under, no matter how hard he pressed his pillow against his face, nothing made the sounds go away. Not even Matthew's thick body spray could remove the fertile Omega scent from the air.

Alfred's twin brother wasn't affected by the smell of Alfred or their mom, as he would've been by any other Omega in heat, though the Alpha had opted to stay with the Kirklands in Annie's old bedroom – just for one night. Alfred wasn't sure why he hadn't gone with his brother after dinner, and at nearly midnight on a Wednesday, he regretted the decision now.

It was easier to ignore his feelings of jealousy when Matthew was around to talk to, but now that he was alone, Alfred was practically overcome by it. And boy did Alfred feel strange for being jealous over the fact that his own mom was being bred and he wasn't.

He could forget about it when he was thirteen and not as sexually driven out of heat, but now, things were different. How was it fair that just because he was a male Omega, he wasn't allowed to achieve completion in the way female Omegas were? His mom would never have to suffer as Alfred did every year and would for the rest of his life, and the Omega could've punched something just thinking about it.

Alfred stared up at his darkened ceiling, miserable, clutching a pillow to his chest as the noises began to die down for the first time that night. Maybe his parents would get a few hours of rest, giving Alfred the opportunity to do the same, but even though his eyes were burning and the Omega hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in nearly three days, Alfred just couldn't doze off.

It was snowing outside, the flakes so large Alfred could see their fuzzy shadows moving across his floorboards even without his glasses when he turned onto his side, light from streetlamps outside illuminating that single patch in the wood. Alfred watched through half-lidded eyes, finally close to falling asleep when he heard a knock on his window.

The Omega froze, clutching at his pillow and debating whether or not to call for his parents – his dad was probably still knotted, God, how awkward would that have been – but then he realized that in all the months he'd lived alone in that room, only one person had ever climbed onto the awning below Alfred's window in the middle of the night.

Sitting up so quickly his head started to spin, Alfred fumbled with his comforter, eyesight fuzzy, and crawled over to the window. Arthur climbed through as soon as Alfred managed to lift the latch, barely managing to avoid falling onto the younger Omega in his haste to get out of the snow.

"What are you doing here?" Alfred hissed, latching the window again as Arthur shook snow and water out of his hair. "Are you an idiot? It's like negative one-thousand degrees out there!"

"If that's the case, the next ice age is fast upon us." Arthur replied, throwing his coat and boots to the floor before falling back against Alfred's pillows with an appreciative groan. "Your bed was always more comfortable than mine."

"What are you doing here?" Alfred repeated slowly, not sure how to react to the fact that Arthur was in his bed, as if they were pre-teens again, giggling over stupid knock-knock jokes.

Arthur pushed himself up on his elbows, and although Alfred couldn't really tell, he was certain Arthur's eyes were boring into Alfred's own. "I figured you would appreciate the company."

"I do." Alfred amended quickly, wincing when the noises picked up again, though he almost welcomed them this time. Now there was less risk of his parents hearing him and Arthur talking. "God, I do. It sucks being here alone."

"Why didn't you come over with Matthew?"

"I was asking myself the same thing, honestly." Arthur scooted over when Alfred plopped down next to him, rolling onto his back to adopt his earlier activity of staring at the ceiling, this time with a partner. "Maybe I'm just a masochist."

Arthur said nothing, and the two Omegas lay there together in near silence, Alfred aware that his companion was shivering from the cold but not sure what to do about it and Arthur lost in silent contemplation.

"Did you know my father was a male Omega?"

Alfred blinked, turning his head to the side to peer through the dim lighting at Arthur. It wasn't often that any of the Kirkland kids spoke of their dad. In all the years he'd known them, only Scott had mentioned him in Alfred's presence, and that was just to say, "The old man died, don't say a word in front of our mum." The American had always wondered about Mr. Kirkland, about what kind of person he'd been, but it was pretty obvious neither Arthur nor his brothers and sister wanted to discuss him.

"No." Alfred said when he realized Arthur was waiting for him to reply. "No, I didn't know that."

"He died when I was nine, a few months before Peter was born." Arthur was still trembling a bit from the cold, but at least now he was smiling. "Seamus Kirkland. He was one of the kindest men I've ever known, and his outlook on life was simply amazing. I'm extremely lucky to have had him as a father."

"What happened to him?"

"Cancer. I can't recall what kind anymore, but it took him quickly. After the diagnosis, he was gone in a matter of months. Mum tried to take care of all of us on her own, but with a new baby on top of four growing children, she was overwhelmed fairly quickly."

Arthur turned his head to meet Alfred's gaze then. "I didn't want to move to America. None of us did. But in my father's will, he mentioned a house in the states that he'd acquired when his grandfather died. It was completely paid off, and when my mother managed to save enough to move our entire family out here, we left Nottingham and never looked back."

Alfred listened to his friend talk, drowsy enough that the sound of Arthur's muddled accent was actually lulling him to sleep. While Alasdair, Scott, and Annie were teenagers when they'd left England, Arthur and Peter were younger and more receptive to the change in atmosphere. Peter didn't have much of an accent, though he called Lucie "mum" just as his siblings did, along with a few other choice phrases he'd picked up from his family.

Arthur's voice, while still obviously foreign, had adopted more of an American undertone, and while Arthur refused to admit it, Alfred was able to tell. It was in the way his vowels sometimes sharpened, as well as _r's_ at the end of a word. Alfred thought it made Arthur's voice more intriguing. Sometimes he would catch himself listening for variations in the other Omega's speech pattern.

"Since my mum is a Beta, she couldn't do much for my father when he went into his heats." Arthur continued. "She would stay with him as any Alpha would have, and while she couldn't truly give him what he wanted… probably _needed, _their relationship wasn't an unhealthy one. My father always told me that when I was older, I'd hopefully find someone like Mum, who would ignore the fact that I was a male Omega and take care of me as best they could. He was a man of the Church as well, but he never assigned a gender or label when he discussed those things with me. Alpha, Beta, Omega, male, female; it didn't matter to him, just as it doesn't to me."

"I hate my mom." The quality of his own voice startled Alfred. He sounded bitter, angry, like Arthur had been when they were younger. "She doesn't even know how pissed off I am right now."

"I doubt she's able to think much of anything at the moment. You and I both know that perfectly well."

"It's not fair." Alfred murmured, tearing his gaze away from Arthur and returning it to the ceiling once more, his eyes burning for completely different reasons now. "I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. It's weird, Arthur. Heats only last a week each year, but now, those seven days feel like the only thing that matters. It's all I can think about, how much I dread it."

"I know, Alfred." The bed sheets rustled and then suddenly Arthur was looming over him, propped up on an elbow. Alfred could barely see through his tears, though he did notice the worried frown on his companion's face. "I feel the same way."

"I'm not gay." Alfred said, watching Arthur's face carefully. "But I'm sure as hell not straight, I know that now. And there's nothing I can do about it."

Arthur shifted again, pressing a cold palm to Alfred's forehead and pushing the hair off his forehead, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "You're really warm. I think you're getting sick."

"Arthur, knock it off!" Alfred snapped, slapping Arthur's hand away in irritation. "I feel fine!"

"You're not fine." Arthur insisted, undeterred despite Alfred's temper. "You're not taking care of yourself. The bags under your eyes are worse than they were at school this morning!"

"It's kinda hard to sleep when your parents are fucking right down the hall."

Arthur squared his jaw, emerald eyes as acidic as they'd ever been. "They've been there since last week and the week before. Ever since Annie left, you've been like this. Feliciano and Lovino came over last week to invite us to build snowmen and Matthew, Peter, and I had to leave without you because your parents couldn't get you to unlock your door. You're depressed, Al."

Was he? Alfred didn't know what it felt like to be depressed. He'd never thought about it before, hadn't considered that to be a possibility. But it made sense when Arthur said it. He didn't even remember hearing the Vargas brothers stop by. Come to think of it, when was the last time Alfred had even talked to Feli outside of art class? This winter had gone by in a blur, the only things Alfred really remembered being the times when he got in trouble for one thing or another.

Alfred sniffed, draping a forearm over his eyes in an attempt to block it all out, but it was of no use. Tears were already spilling down his cheeks. "I don't think there's a Heaven, Arthur. Or a Hell. I think there's only here and now, that this is where we experience the clouds and fires both, and after this, there's nothing."

"Hey, no." Arthur pried Alfred's arm away from his face, the look in his eyes completely aghast. "Where is this coming from?"

"I'm done trying! If I like men and women both, so what? If I want to give in to my heat instincts, who gives a fuck? I'm tired of walking on ice around my parents and ignoring what I want."

"What _do_ you want?"

"I love you." The two stared at each other. "There, that's what I wanted, to at least say it to you. I love you, I do. And if I told my mom and dad they would ship me off to the nearest seminary and I would never see you again. They'd say I'm confused and sick and too young to know what love is, but you know, I wouldn't even _be_ confused if it weren't for them."

"Alfred – "

"My parents always said being an Omega didn't mean I was any less a man, but that was a total lie. They treat Mattie and me differently just because I was born with a different blood type than him. I have to lock myself away during my heats and sit there in pain knowing I'm an abnormality and that taking care of myself will result in being excommunicated from my family!"

Arthur shushed him, wiping away tears as Alfred released a shuddering breath, realizing that the noises had stopped once more. Alfred has never felt more like a stereotypical Omega than he did in _that_ specific moment, in his childhood bedroom with Arthur when he was sixteen and the other Omega was seventeen. He'd felt small and vulnerable beneath Arthur's body, complying as the older boy instructed him to stay quiet, alert with the fear that his parents could finally hear them and come to investigate – or at least his dad would have.

"You don't get to say you love me and then go off on a rant like that." Arthur chuckled, ignoring Alfred's acidic glare.

"Well, excuse me – "

"I love you, too." Arthur interjected, and Alfred blinked, because although he'd known in the back of his head, it was different to actually hear it out loud like that. His dreams didn't even compare, couldn't capture the raw emotion in Arthur's eyes when he said it. Only Arthur had ever looked at Alfred like that, as if he were something precious, something to be cherished, no matter the cost. "Of course I do, even if you are a complete and utter moron sometimes. I almost can't believe you allowed yourself to become so worked up over this that you're actually getting sick."

"I'm not sick."

"Our lives will be harder than most." Was it just Alfred's imagination, or was Arthur leaning down, getting closer? "But I promise you, Alfred. Once we're done with school, it will just be us, and you won't have to suffer through your heats alone anymore."

"You won't either." Alfred said. He had another reason to hate school, then. Until he graduated, he would live with his parents, and they would keep him from Arthur. "I always hated thinking about you being alone for a week, even when we were little."

Arthur grinned. "You burst out of the house after my first heat and checked every part of me more than once, as I recall. It was a bit embarrassing, you know. My brothers wouldn't let it go for weeks."

Alfred smiled, somewhat warmed by the memory, and when he registered again that Arthur was shifting closer, a squirming sensation became apparent in his gut. But it wasn't pleasant, not in the slightest, and before Arthur could do whatever it was he'd planned to do that night, Alfred had struggled away from him and was vomiting onto the floor.

"Maybe you're right." Alfred croaked when it was over, head and arms dangling over the edge of the bed in misery as Arthur rubbed soothing circles into his back. "Maybe I am getting sick."

"Or perhaps your body is getting rid of all the negativity you've been festering in for a few weeks now that everything's resolved."

"Artie, this is no time for your psychological, romantic crap, okay, I'm dying here."

"Melodramatic as always." Arthur chuckled, rearranging Alfred on the bed so the ill Omega was resting against his pillows once more. "At least you're starting to feel better. Sit tight, Al. I'll go get you a glass of water."

Alfred's parents had no idea Arthur was even there that day, staying close to the blue-eyed Omega's side and taking care of him during that first day of his illness. With so much snow on the ground outside, school was canceled – not that Alfred could've gone anyway – but it did mean Arthur didn't have an excuse for not being home when his mother woke up in the morning.

The phone rang around nine in the morning. Alfred dozed softly on the bed while Arthur answered the phone on the bedside table, still curled around the other boy's body, refusing to leave even for a second. "Mum, it's me. I'm sorry I left without saying anything last night. Al called and told me he was sick, so I came over to take care of him while Caroline and Robert are busy… yes, it's pretty bad. He can hardly move at this point. Okay, I'll tell him."

"What did she say?" Alfred asked, moaning deliriously when Arthur leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead, gripping the Briton closer.

"Just that she hopes you get well soon. And not to bother your parents."

"Yeah, Heaven forbid I walk in on them now."

* * *

They were careful. Winter melted into spring and any and all reservations the boys had with each other went along with it. In public, things stayed the same. They were nearly brothers and had been for many years; no one thought something was off, especially since Arthur Kirkland and Alfred Jones weren't the type of boys to deviate from the paths set for them.

Not much changed when they were alone either, though Alfred did notice how touchy Arthur could be, how happy it seemed to make him knowing that Alfred was finally capable of returning his affections after many years of pining, for lack of a better word.

Alfred's attitude started to get better, his overwhelming sadness over his situation disappearing the more time he spent with Arthur without getting caught, though that anger never left him completely. Despite the fact that he'd finally decided to act on his desires, he was still aware that what they were doing was considered wrong in the eyes of everyone they knew. It was frustrating, knowing there was nothing he could do to change it, couldn't tell his friends and family why he was suddenly "back to normal" – or almost, anyway.

Arthur said to give it time. Eventually, people would change. But Alfred wasn't so sure, and in March of 1986, the Omega's frustrations finally boiled over.

He'd been eating lunch with Feliciano, Matthew, and Lilli, teasing his twin brother over a small, silver promise ring that had quite suddenly appeared on Lilli's right hand, and Alfred doubts he would've heard Gilbert talking if it had been any other time of year. Alfred had gotten over his illness before Christmas, though most of his schoolmates were plagued with bouts of the flu toward the end of February and the beginning of March. It was a small school to begin with, though with the added absences, the cafeteria was quieter than usual.

"My mom was watching the television the other day." Normally Alfred didn't eavesdrop on other people's conversations, but he hadn't had the time to sit down in front of a monitor lately and was curious as to what the latest "gossip" was. Probably just some movie star with a new haircut. "It was like, one of those background people during a news broadcast, and they were interviewing some lady, and guess what I saw?"

"Feliks, no one likes it when you pause for dramatic effect like that, just spit it out!"

Alfred stifled a giggle, ignoring the curious look Lilli sent his way. It was a wonder Gilbert had any friends, what with the way he talked to them.

"Okay, okay! It was a pregnant Omega. _And_ it was a _guy._"

Gilbert snorted, and even without turning around Alfred could imagine the sneer on the other boy's face. "Are you serious? Damn, the things they put on TV these days. I don't need to know if some guy likes taking it up the ass, thanks."

"Freddie, are you okay?" Lilli questioned around an apple. She was the only person aside from his mom and sometimes Matthew that called him that, and probably the only one who could actually get away with it nowadays. "You're starting to turn red."

"My mom keeps quoting the Bible when shit like that happens and says _God will strike down the wicked_!" That was someone other than Feliks or Gilbert, though Alfred couldn't tell who it was past the roaring in his ears. "It's getting pretty annoying."

"Even if God doesn't, someone else will." Gilbert commented. "I remember a few years ago dead Omega males were popping up all over the west coast. It's probably only a matter of time before society deems them worthless and snuffs them out completely."

Alfred was up and standing over Gilbert before the Omega even registered he had moved. Feliks stared up at him, shocked, and Gilbert was starting to turn around when Alfred poured the milk over his head. The liquid was white, not brown, so he must've swiped Matthew's on accident.

"Alfred!" Feliciano yelped from their table a few feet away, though Alfred was only paying attention to Gilbert, who jolted forward at the assault, slamming his hands down on the table before he whipped around, ruby eyes widening when he saw just who it was that had _dared _to bother him.

"Jones? What the _fuck, _man?"

"Omega males are not worthless!" Alfred snarled, and Gilbert scowled, seeming to realize his mistake. However, the Alpha didn't even look the least bit apologetic, and that only fueled Alfred's anger. "People like you make me sick."

"People like me?" Gilbert echoed, the cafeteria completely silent as the Alpha got to his feet, facing Alfred head-on. They were about the same height give or take a few inches, and while Alfred was bigger than Gilbert, the Omega knew he would have a hard time if things got physical. He wasn't used to fighting like Arthur was, wasn't conditioned thanks to soccer, but after nearly six years of toting Peter Kirkland around, Alfred's arms had definition. "What did I do? Speak my mind? I'm not the only one who thinks guy Omegas are pointless, why don't you go preach to someone else?"

"How are we pointless?"

"Umm, hello? Girls are the ones that are supposed to give birth, Jones, not guys like you and Kirkland. Haven't you been paying attention during Sunday school? It's a _sin _to even consider it. What purpose do you have, huh? Aside from making people uncomfortable, that is."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you were born an Omega! Or even a Beta! You think you're so much better than everyone else just because you're a stupid, hormonal Alpha."

"Maybe so," Gilbert said, smirking in Alfred's face, completely calm despite the milk dripping steadily off the ends of his hair, "but a stupid, hormonal Alpha like me is something you want, isn't it, Jones? Because let's face it, you're nothing without one."

Alfred shoved hard at Gilbert's chest, right in the center, just as he'd seen Arthur do to the Alpha on the field during soccer practice. Gilbert stumbled back down into his seat but was up again before Alfred could even blink, fisting the Omega's shirt and yanking him closer, teeth bared in a furious snarl.

Lilli was shouting something as the Alpha raised his fist, Feliciano up and out of his seat in an attempt to find a teacher, and suddenly Alfred found himself separated from Gilbert by Matthew. His twin shoved Gilbert just as Alfred had, though with enough force to actually send the boy sprawling onto the table, landing on a few lunches.

Alfred snatched the hood of his brother's sweatshirt when he surged forward again, afraid Matthew would actually attack Gilbert and finish what Alfred had stupidly started in a blind rage. "Don't you _ever_ touch my brother again." Matthew said quietly, and the cold rage in his voice was far more terrifying than any yelling the Alpha could have done. Alfred had never been frightened of Matthew before and he wasn't then, but it was obvious Gilbert was, and that was really all that mattered. "Come on, Al."

Alfred allowed himself to be dragged out of the cafeteria, some parts angry and others shocked, and it wasn't until Matthew had him up against a wall near the gymnasium, shaking his shoulders, that Alfred was able to wipe the image of Gilbert Beilschmidt baring down on him out of his head. "Alfred Foster, what the hell was that?"

Alfred scowled, shrugging off his brother's hands. "Nothing."

"That was not nothing!" Matthew countered, moving to block the Omega's exit when he tried to stalk away. "You poured milk all over Gilbert. You could've gotten hurt. What if I hadn't been there, who would've helped you then? You can't _do_ things like that!"

"Why?" Alfred spat. "Because I'm an Omega?"

"Because Gilbert is stronger than you! You're big, Al, but you're not invincible. And okay, maybe you're an Omega and maybe he is an Alpha, but so what? That fight would've ended horribly for you regardless. The fact of the matter is, you let your temper get the better of you and you could've gotten hurt because of it."

"I can take care of myself." Alfred said, meeting Matthew's furious azure stare with an identical one of his own. "I don't need you to protect me. And don't feed me that bullshit about how it doesn't matter that I'm an Omega and he's an Alpha. I know you don't think that, Matthew. You're just like everyone else."

Matthew blinked, the furious look in his eyes replaced by one of hurt. Alfred almost crumbled. For all his Alpha attributes, Matthew had a tendency to look like a whipped puppy when he and Alfred fought. But the look disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, and Matthew glared at his brother dangerously, taking a step back. "You get upset because you think everyone has prejudices against Omegas, but you have ones against _everyone_, Alfred. You seem to think the only person who understands you is Arthur, and that's not true and it's not fair."

"I didn't – "

"And not all Alphas are stupid and hormonal."

"Jesus Christ." Alfred groaned as his brother turned to walk away, though the Omega didn't try to reach for him. It was better to leave Matthew be when he got angry, otherwise he would lash out and then where would they be? "Mattie, I didn't mean it like that!"

Alfred watched his twin's form grow smaller and smaller until he eventually disappeared around a corner, leaving Alfred alone with the notion that he'd messed up big time.

Quiet footsteps sounded from the direction of the cafeteria, and Alfred watched miserably as Lilli approached him. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I've been better."

"I heard you and Matthew talking."

"He's pissed at me." Alfred groaned, removing his glasses to press the heel of one palm against his left eye, wishing that Arthur were there and not stuck in some stupid student council meeting. "I would be, too, I guess, if I were him."

"He's only upset because he cares." Lilli insisted. "That was pretty scary. Gilbert was going to hit you, and he doesn't care that you're an Omega. He wouldn't have held back. If Matthew hadn't done something – "

"I would've gotten hurt, I know. Mattie said the same thing."

"I know it's hard to be an Omega." Lilli said, smiling ruefully when Alfred glanced at her after putting his glasses back on. "My parents want me to marry rich so I can stay home and raise my children comfortably. At our age, most people are being asked what they want to do once they graduate, but that's not my life."

Alfred shrugged. "Mattie and I will have to split the inheritance, but it's a pretty hefty one."

Lilli laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and staring off in the direction Matthew had taken. "When I told my parents I was dating Matthew Jones, they couldn't have been happier. Imagine when I go home today and they see my ring."

"That was pretty cheesy."

"Oh, I know. But it's Matthew. I couldn't stop blushing when he gave it to me before school."

"He's crazy about you." Alfred stated, unsure of how he'd gone from talking about his brother being upset with him to discussing the same brother's love life. "I know you guys are gonna do okay out in the real world."

"I sure hope so." Lilli said just as the bell that announced the end of lunch sounded. "Feliciano came back with a teacher after you guys left. I'm sure Gilbert's told him an interesting story by now. You should go straighten things out. I'm going to go look for Matthew. See you, Alfred."

"Bye, Lilli." Alfred sighed, pushing away from the wall as he and his brother's girlfriend went separate ways, thinking of a dozen different ways to explain to an adult just why he'd antagonized Gilbert without sounding like a sissy.

Alfred and Gilbert both ended up with detention – Alfred for starting the whole thing and Gilbert for nearly attacking an Omega. Matthew got off easy since he'd only been defending Alfred, and while the Omega was relieved he didn't have to sit in a tense atmosphere with his brother, it was still preferable to writing from the dictionary in the company of Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Gilbert fled the room as soon as the two hours were up, Alfred following more slowly, dreading the return home. He really hoped Matthew had decided to cover for him. Even if he was pissed, they were still brothers.

Alfred left the school at nearly five-thirty, and while he had expected a lonely walk home, what he hadn't anticipated was for someone to be waiting for him. Arthur slid off the concrete barrier that separated the yard of the high school from the sidewalk, watching Alfred's approach with his arms crossed. "Who told you?" Alfred asked once they were within a few feet of each other.

"Feliciano burst into the conference room and started tugging at my arm, shouting about a fight."

"Huh? He went to you instead of a teacher?"

Arthur shrugged. "I haven't a clue as to why. Feliciano never said it was you, otherwise I would have come myself, but since I was preoccupied, I called for Mr. Donald instead."

"Mattie took care of it." Alfred sniffed. "Can we go home now?"

Arthur looked like he wanted to say more, but only nodded in response, and the two walked home together in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: _Arthur tops, for those of you who have preferences when it comes to this stuff. That is all. Oh, and I'm pretty sure there will be one more chapter after this. So, it's not over yet.

* * *

Arthur showed up at his doorstep the morning after Alfred's fight with Gilbert, throwing the entire Jones family for a loop. Arthur Kirkland was definitely _not _a morning person. If it wasn't a school day, Alfred was lucky to see Arthur awake and not entirely pissed off before noon. "Hey, Carrie." Arthur was actually the only one aside from Lucie who had ever called Alfred's mom by a nickname. They'd actually been close, once.

Alfred heard his boyfriend's voice from his spot at the table, trying to ignore the tense atmosphere that he and Matthew had been festering in ever since the other day. Their dad sat between them, pretending to read the newspaper although he kept glancing between his twin sons as the silence wore on. "Good morning, Arthur." Alfred's mom greeted, sounding amused. "You're certainly a man on a mission today."

"Always." Arthur replied. "I'm actually here for Al."

Alfred paused mid-bite at the mention of his name, completely forgetting about the flavor of pancake on his tongue as his heart rate spiked considerably. He wasn't sure what Arthur wanted him for, but if it was going to be like any of their previous rendezvous, Alfred wanted to finish his breakfast quickly.

"Oh? Do you boys have something planned?"

"It's more an impromptu trip. Al had a bad week at school, so I'm hoping to cheer him up a bit."

"Is that so? Freddie never said anything about having troubles. He's still eating breakfast if you want to wait for – "

"No, no, I'm coming!" Alfred called, abandoning his breakfast without a second thought and rising from the table before his mom could ask Arthur just what sorts of troubles Alfred had been having.

For a small town in the country, Allen was surprisingly lacking in farms. There were a few on the outskirts of the city, a couple dozen miles away on the roads that led to Topeka and Salina, but Alfred had never seen them, only heard about them in passing. There was one, though, that had been attracting teenagers long before Alfred was even a thought in his parents' heads. The Omega wasn't sure why it was even still around; it didn't serve much of a purpose aside from being a neat place to hang out in. The barn belonged to the owner of the general store, who was a senile old man with bad hearing and eyesight that was none the wiser when high school students dropped by to mess around in the hayloft.

The boys had been to the barn before, though they were always in the company of others. Alfred wasn't concerned when they arrived – Arthur hadn't seemed to be plotting anything – and threw himself down onto the nearest pile of hay within seconds of stepping foot inside.

Alfred had always loved it there. It was quiet and peaceful; light peered in through cracks in the wood and windows up in the loft, creating a scene of absolute serenity. It was something he'd been itching to draw, and that's just what he did, having grabbed his sketchbook before he left with Arthur, if only so his mom wouldn't be too suspicious if they were gone for too long.

The boys were silent as Alfred lay on his back with his knees up and sketchbook leaning against them, Arthur stretched out languidly not too far away, arms behind his head and eyes closed. They hadn't spoken since they arrived, and while it wasn't awkward, especially since Alfred was too busy trying to perfect his shading technique, the Omega was curious about a few things.

"So, why'd you bring me out here?" Alfred asked, eyeballing a rafter that honestly looked a few minutes away from giving way before starting to draw it, giving up on trying to transfer the filtered light above him to paper. He'd need colored pencils for that.

"I figured you would enjoy it." Arthur replied. "You have an eye for these sorts of things."

"What things?"

"Beautiful things." Arthur elaborated, and Alfred grinned, turning his head to glance over at the other Omega. Arthur's eyes were open, and the smirk on his face was soft and kind of adorable. Alfred was struck with the urge to kiss him but resisted. He couldn't make it too easy. "Besides, you and I were in desperate need of a quiet place to clear our heads for a few hours. I figured a little field trip out here wouldn't hurt."

"You figured correctly." Alfred laughed, grunting when he accidentally strayed from his current pattern. "Stop distracting me. I'm trying to do these rafters right."

"You were the one who asked why I brought you out here. I was perfectly content to just – "

"You're still talking." Alfred interjected, chuckling when he saw the look on Arthur's face. "Sorry, Art. You're fun to hassle."

"So I've been told."

"You heard from Annie lately?"

"She called a few nights ago." Alfred wished he'd been there when she had. He hadn't seen Annie since her wedding back in January. It had been a small, simple affair, held in a church down in Anderson that was far bigger than the one in Allen. While Annie had looked beautiful, Alfred was certain everyone in attendance had paid more attention to her baby bump, even Lucie and his parents. Alasdair started crying when the vows were said. It had certainly been a day to remember. "I didn't get a chance to speak with her, but Mum said she and David were doing fine. I'm not too worried. Annie's kid will be in good hands."

Alfred had to agree. Annie was pretty much as maternal as they came. "Mattie still won't talk to me."

He wasn't sure why his predicament with his brother followed a brief discussion about Annie. The fact still remained that Arthur hadn't tried to discuss it once, and Alfred knew his boyfriend probably had a very strong opinion about what had happened. It was best to just force it out of Arthur then and there.

"I can't say that I blame him. When Matthew told me you picked a fight with Gilbert and he almost punched you, I wanted to sock you myself."

"Why is it such a big deal?" Alfred huffed as he closed his sketchbook. He wasn't getting much done anyway. "You fight with Gilbert all the time!"

"I'm usually the provoked in those situations, not the one doing the provoking. Matthew said you literally stopped talking at lunch, took his milk, and then poured it over Gilbert's head."

"Did Mattie tell you why I did it?"

"Because of his comments about male Omegas."

"Exactly!" Alfred exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, upsetting the straw beneath him. "I'm sorry if I got sick of him telling me that I'm trash and did something about it. I'm _so_ fucking sorry I stood up for myself for once and picked a fight that Matthew had to finish. God, Arthur, I thought at least you would understand why I did it."

"I do understand." Arthur replied, and the straw rustled as he repositioned himself, turning onto his left side to stare seriously at Alfred. "But you went about it wrong. Matthew started crying when I spoke to him after school, Alfred."

Alfred froze, lowering his arms back to his sides, not sure whether he was more shocked to hear that his brother had been crying or Arthur using his full name. "He – He was _crying?_"

Arthur nodded, his hooded eyes darkening a little as he recalled the memory, looking perturbed. "Matthew may be an Alpha, but going at Gilbert as he did yesterday in your defense shook him. He told me that he saw Gilbert raise a hand to you and he couldn't control what he did, and if you hadn't grabbed onto his shirt, he probably would have kept going. Matthew loves you, Alfred. He doesn't know how to help you, how to make you see that you're not worthless."

"Um, I know I'm not worthless. I kinda went after an Alpha in a rage about it, in case you forgot."

"See, that's the thing. You _do_ think your worth is measurable. It's why you got so angry with Gilbert; he put something you've thought your whole life into words, and you reacted badly. He shouldn't have said those things, and frankly, he's lucky I wasn't there. I would have done much worse than pour a carton of milk over his head."

Alfred frowned, watching as Arthur pushed himself up and then began to crawl over to the younger Omega on his hands and knees. "If you would have done worse, why am I being lectured?"

"Because I know that I matter." Arthur replied, settling down next to Alfred. "I would have beat Gilbert for being an ignorant arse, not because some part of me thought he was right."

Alfred sighed, refusing to meet Arthur's gaze even as he rolled onto his side to face the other Omega. Arthur was right, just as he was every time they had conversations like this. How many times was it now that Arthur had to reassure Alfred that there was nothing wrong with him? Two? Three? Whatever the number, it was getting old, but Alfred didn't know what to do to fix it.

He thought everything would be easy once he accepted that he loved Arthur and that there was nothing wrong with that, but while Arthur was ready to move on, he kept having to wait for Alfred to catch up. What more did he have to do? "Do you think I'm worthless as well, Al?"

"No." Alfred replied instantly, appalled at the suggestion. "Never."

Arthur smiled, rubbing his hands up and down the length of Alfred's left arm, and Alfred shifted closer, wishing for the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt to evaporate into thin air, leaving nothing between him and Arthur's hands. "Think about how you felt just then. Imagine how I feel, living my life day to day knowing that the person I value more than anything can't see how special they are."

"Gilbert's such an ass." Alfred grumbled, reaching up to brush a few stalks of hay from Arthur's hair as the other Omega began to press kisses along the expanse of Alfred's throat. "He basically told me all I want is to have sex with an Alpha."

"That was just him stroking his own ego."

"He said I'm useless without one."

Arthur paused, and Alfred began to squirm, able to feel the brush of Arthur's tongue against his skin when he spoke, or maybe he had imagined that. "And what do you think?"

Alfred hesitated, contemplated saying what he knew Arthur wanted to hear, but decided against it. Arthur would see through him anyway. "I don't know."

Arthur's eyes darkened and Alfred found himself being pulled into a bruising kiss. They were never frenzied when things like that happened. The two Omegas were slow and careful, inexperienced and timid when it came to intimacy, unsure of how much would be too much. But that day, the kiss Arthur initiated became something else entirely, something reckless and deep and prying that left Alfred fighting off a premature erection.

"Hey." Alfred had to pull away first when it became apparent that Arthur wasn't going to, wiping away a thin line of saliva that was trailing down his chin while Arthur silently reached down between their bodies, grasping at the zipper of Alfred's jeans. It was obvious what the other Omega was going for, but Alfred couldn't help but ask, slightly nervous, "What are you doing?"

The sixteen-year-old wasn't sure how to react, and while Arthur wasn't any more experienced than he was, the older boy certainly gave Alfred the impression that he knew what he was doing and Alfred only had to follow his lead for everything to work.

"Take off your shoes." Arthur ordered before pressing his lips to Alfred's again, his tongue coaxing them open, pushing into his mouth. Alfred was struck by how warm and soft Arthur's tongue was, how it sent an almost electric shock down Alfred's spine, and when the Omega managed to toe off his sneakers and socks, he immediately reached over to grasp at Arthur's face, refusing to let him pull away as he returned that new form of kiss with almost embarrassing enthusiasm, inexperience be damned.

Arthur didn't try anything else after he unbuttoned Alfred's jeans, choosing instead to inch up Alfred's shirt a little and grasp at the younger Omega's hip, dragging dull nails across Alfred's skin, trailing lower and lower until he was reaching into the boy's pants and boxers, clawing at his ass. Alfred gasped into Arthur's mouth as the eighteen-year-old dragged him closer, the straw beneath them scratching at his skin where his shirt was riding up.

"Artie." Alfred murmured when Arthur continued to knead his skin and grind his own erection against Alfred's pelvis. He was fairly certain where all this was heading, and it struck him how much he wanted it, though it shouldn't have been a surprise. He'd been dreaming about it since he was thirteen, since that first heat he'd had to suffer through all on his own. "Artie, c'mon. _C'mon._"

Arthur helped him shimmy out of his jeans and boxers once he'd thoroughly acquainted himself with Alfred's bare backside. He mouthed at the younger Omega's navel and chest as he began to divest him of his shirt, though he was so slow about it that Alfred ended up having to pull the offending fabric over his head mostly on his own, hands flying to Arthur's own shirt soon after to pull that off as well.

Alfred never once grew bashful about being the only one completely naked throughout the entire ordeal. If anything, he was pretty pleased with the situation, if only because Arthur could then physically see how badly Alfred wanted him and then maybe he'd hurry the fuck up. He still wasn't talking much, but his eyes spoke volumes as he dragged his gaze down Alfred's body unabashedly.

The younger Omega started to feel nervous again when Arthur pulled away, taking his comforting warmth with him, to unbutton his own pants. He took off his glasses and tossed them aside, uncaring of where they landed, mostly because the thought of clearly seeing Arthur's dick, not just some bulge in his pants, was still terrifying. "Are you okay with this?" Arthur said, sensing Alfred's discomfort, speaking for the first time since he told Alfred to take off his shoes. "We can stop."

Alfred shook his head. While everything was happening really fast, he wasn't about to stop, not when Arthur was the only constant thing in his life, the only one he could completely depend on. Arthur seemed to nod to himself and then stuck his own fingers into his mouth.

It was a slow process. Despite Arthur's previous stoic silence, his eyes were anxious as he pushed into Alfred once he was finished stretching him, scouring the young Omega's face for any trace of discomfort while he stroked the inside of Alfred's trembling thigh with the hand that wasn't wrapped around his own erection, guiding the head inside. It wasn't exactly painful – Arthur had been way too thorough with the preparation for that, despite the lack of proper slick – but it was definitely uncomfortable.

Alfred didn't allow himself to breathe until Arthur was all the way in, jumping slightly when the other Omega reached out to touch his cheek, so focused on staying relaxed enough to take Arthur in that he didn't notice when the other called his name.

"Are you okay?" Arthur asked. He looked strained, was probably having to force himself not to move until Alfred said it was all right. Alfred realized Arthur hadn't taken his jeans off all the way, could feel the teeth of his zipper biting at his skin, and while the Omega knew it was going to chafe like hell later, he didn't particularly care.

"I'd be better if you would move."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fucking sure!_" _

But that was all just to hide the fact that Alfred was actually scared by what was happening. He really wasn't confident it was going to work. They were both hard as hell, sure, but what they were doing was way different than kissing. What if it didn't feel right? What if neither of them enjoyed it or someone couldn't manage to get off? Alfred was so worried Arthur would just –

He had nothing to worry about. On that first true thrust, Alfred arched with a shout, his legs jerking up so his feet were pressed flat against the straw-covered floor, knees digging harshly into Arthur's sides. They were both startled, Arthur probably more than Alfred, but he didn't stop in his movements, Alfred's reaction enough to encourage him to entwine their fingers and pound into Alfred with an almost animalistic desperation.

Alfred honestly doesn't remember much about the period after Arthur breached him and before they reached their end. He wishes he did, tries to think back to that day when he's alone at night, when his day is too stressful and he really wishes Arthur was still with him.

He can best capture it in his dreams, when he blinks and suddenly finds Arthur's face looming over his, glistening with perspiration, and eyes alight with a deep and raw expression of love, the old rafters of the barn spreading out like the limbs of a tree above him. The lighting Alfred had struggled to sketch onto paper had highlighted the Omega's dirty-blonde hair, and without his glasses on, Alfred had fancied Arthur some kind of angel. He'd been completely ruled by lust and pleasure then, not in the best frame of mind for any constructive thought, but it hardly mattered.

As he moaned and arched after Arthur every time he pulled away, Alfred wondered if that was how a real heat was supposed to be. He felt completely safe beneath Arthur, dominated and used in the best possible way. Gilbert was wrong. Alfred didn't need an Alpha. Arthur was perfectly capable of taking care of Alfred, could still make him feel good, even outside of his heat. Alfred loved every moment of it, and he told Arthur as much with the noises he made.

When his prostate was first struck, Alfred let out a sound that was some odd mixture between a groan and a wail, and while he still had a mind to be embarrassed, turning his face to the side and draping an arm over his eyes, he didn't try to stop himself from doing it again, especially when he felt Arthur throb dangerously inside him. "Alfred." Alfred blinked his eyes open when a hand gripped at his forearm, dragging the appendage away from his face and guiding it up and around Arthur's shoulders instead. "Do you get it now?"

Alfred grunted, fighting back a series of whimpers as he pressed his unoccupied hand to his face, losing his mind to how good it all felt. He wasn't sure what Arthur was talking about, what it was the Omega was supposed to be understanding, but Arthur didn't give him a chance to think about it regardless. He reached down between them to grasp at Alfred's erection, which at that point had remained untouched, straining against Arthur's stomach, and it was then that Alfred reached his limit, biting his lip so hard he drew blood when he came into Arthur's hand.

Arthur was murmuring something in Alfred's ear when the younger Omega finally came back to himself, panting harshly into the dusty air and tightening his one-armed grip around Arthur's shoulders when he registered that something was oozing out of him, around Arthur's pulsing member. "Please. Please don't call yourself worthless anymore. I'm not – I can't – "

While breathless and well sated, Alfred still had the wits about himself to realize that Arthur was far from blissed, and that his voice and body were shaking, disturbing the semen trickling out of Alfred even more. With Arthur still softening inside him and as close as he could possibly be, Alfred could feel everything, every twitch, every breath, and the young Omega gave a pained and tired moan, weaving his fingers into Arthur's dirty-blonde hair, rocking his hips gently, wanting Arthur deeper, still. "I saw it. What you wanted to show me."

"You should've seen it before, you idiot."

"I know. I know, I'm sorry."

And Alfred was sorry, more sorry than he'd ever been about anything before. Now that his head was somewhat clear, he knew what Arthur had been referring to when he said, "Do you get it now?" What was Alfred doing, focusing on others and what they thought about him when he had people like Arthur in his life?

_God_, that Arthur Kirkland. They spent the better years of their childhood together, knew one another inside and out, and it's a feeling Alfred hasn't been able to replicate since then. He acquired new best friends, but it wasn't the same. He has his memories, but they never suffice. No one ever cared for Alfred as unconditionally as Arthur had – not even his own parents. Arthur hadn't been sure how to put just how much Alfred meant to him in words that Alfred would actually hear, so he'd showed him through actions instead, in the most ultimate way possible. Arthur had loved him just for existing, had stayed by Alfred throughout all the years of change and confusion, when things were terrifying and the risk of getting caught and shunned was just too high.

Alfred cried after he lost his virginity. Arthur did, too, though it hadn't been out of embarrassment or pain or any other assortment of things that were directly affiliated with the intimacy they'd shared. Alfred still has trouble pinpointing a reason as to why they both broke down after all was said and done, especially where Arthur is concerned. He'd never become unhinged like that before, or at least not in front of Alfred. Perhaps he really had been bothered by Alfred's low opinion of himself. Or maybe something else had been going on, something even Alfred hadn't been able to detect.

Alfred had to watch as Arthur pulled away from his neck slowly, raising himself up on shaky arms, jaw tight, eyes wet, and eyebrows furrowed as he started to pull out. Alfred panicked and arched after Arthur, locking his thighs, slick with sweat and semen, around the Omega's hips, halting any other movement. Alfred held Arthur there until it was imperative that they leave lest they get caught, knowing that the moment wouldn't last forever but unwilling to let it slip through his fingers just yet.

* * *

Alfred thought there wasn't much to lose after that. He and Arthur had broken every rule, done all the things everyone had told them they shouldn't. There was no stopping them.

But, as had become the trend, Alfred was wrong.

On that last day, in May of 1986, Alfred once again allowed his temper to get the better of him, and he made everything worse.

They had the house to themselves, Alfred's parents away for the evening and Matthew on a date with Lilli. When Arthur sat up from his place on the bed, told Alfred he had something to show him and then started to take off his shirt, Alfred hadn't expected what came next.

"Oh, my God." Alfred gasped, jaw literally dropping at the sight of angry, red scratches that were on the expanse of Arthur's skin, reaching from the insides of his shoulder blades and extending down to the small of his back. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Oh, I don't know." Arthur mused, balling up his grey t-shirt and throwing it to the floor, smirking all the while. He and Alfred didn't see each other as much since Arthur graduated. It was kinda lonely, walking to and from school with only Matthew for company, though even after two months the twins weren't on the best of terms. The thought of going back to school next August without Arthur left Alfred feeling anxious. "I think it happened a few days ago."

Alfred frowned, thinking back to when Arthur had stopped by on Tuesday after school to return a book Alfred's mom had let him borrow. Alfred had been alone in the house, washing dishes in the kitchen when Arthur let himself in. Alfred had been glad to see him, kissed the other Omega's cheek in greeting before going back to the dishes. Arthur had set the book on the counter, took a dish from Alfred's hands and then… "Oh, _I _did that?"

"Why am I not surprised you don't remember?" Arthur mused, watching Alfred's face as the American leaned forward to ghost his fingers across the marks he'd made, muttering an apology when the older Omega winced. "Damn, they still hurt. I didn't even know they were there until I went to bathe and caught sight of them in the mirror. Imagine what would have happened if I walked about my house with no shirt on and Mum saw."

"She'd think it was some girl anyway."

"What a rich notion indeed. I kind of like them, actually. They're like a badge of honor."

"Oh, shut up." Alfred said, smacking Arthur between the shoulder blades, grinning wickedly when Arthur's back arched with an indignant shout. "It's what you get for pinning me to the table. What if my mom had come home?"

"She was at sewing circle!" Arthur hissed, rolling his shoulders in some nonsense attempt to relieve the pain. "Your father was at the office, and Matthew was retaking a math quiz. We had all the time in the world."

Alfred hummed happily as Arthur crawled back to his side, laying down on his stomach with a huff and resting his head on his forearms. After that first tryst in the barn, Arthur never acted strange during and after sex. It didn't really matter where they were – if Arthur was randy enough, Alfred would find himself bent over the nearest surface with little to no warning. Not that he minded any. It was actually pretty entertaining. "I still think it's hilarious that your mom is under the impression that you're some chaste gentleman that hasn't even thought about looking at a girl in the wrong way."

"Well, she'd be right in that sense. I'm not like you, Al. The opposite gender does nothing for me."

"Whatever." Alfred said, linking his arms together behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. "Either way, you've done a good job of hiding all that horny over the years. Boy was I blindsided that day in the barn."

"I was just trying to prove a point." Arthur was beginning to inch Alfred's shirt up, and the younger of the two Omegas grinned. He'd actually been expecting this – not that Arthur was just going to have his way this time. "And I think I did a great job of that. The sex was only a bonus."

"I'm having a hard time believing you didn't plan any of that." Arthur grunted as Alfred rolled over on the bed, straddling the back of Arthur's hips and effectively putting an end to anything the Omega might have tried to pull. The scratches looked even worse from that point of view. "Who takes his boyfriend out to some barn just to talk about his worth as a person?"

"I do, I suppose." Arthur replied, peering over his shoulder curiously. "And just what are you doing up there?"

"Admiring my handiwork."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, you know what?" Alfred said excitedly, leaning forward and over slightly to catch Arthur's eye. "You'll have to get ready for college soon!"

Arthur groaned, turning to bury his face in one of Alfred's fluffier pillows, grumbling something along the lines of, "Don't remind me."

Neither of them had really thought about what they would do once high school was over. It pretty much went without saying that there was no way they were staying in Allen forever. But Alfred had to wonder if small-town boys like themselves would make it out in the real world. Arthur had a vague idea, having grown up in Nottingham for ten years, but they'd lived pretty sheltered lives, and while Alfred wasn't particularly nervous, he did wonder how things would play out.

Since his dad was a lawyer, Alfred's family was pretty well off. Honestly, Alfred never understood why his parents had settled down in such a small town in the first place. College for him and Matthew wouldn't be a problem, but what about Arthur? The Kirklands weren't necessarily poor, but it would have been a struggle to send five kids to school if Annie hadn't dropped out and Scott wasn't such a genius that his brain practically paid for school all on its own. That left Alasdair – who still lived at home and was forgoing college for the time being – Arthur, and Peter.

Arthur didn't talk about it much. Did he even have a plan? Alfred assumed he did. Arthur was always thinking ahead.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alfred pressed. "You gonna follow Scottie to Cornell?"

"I'm not _that_ smart, Al." It was a struggle to hear Arthur speaking through the fabric of Alfred's pillow, but the younger Omega made do. "Mum's been talking about sending Peter and I to live with my grandparents for a while and maybe attending uni there."

Alfred frowned, trailing his eyes along the scratches, somewhat thrown by the mention of Arthur's grandparents, who Alfred knew to be living in Finchley. Arthur was going back to England?

Arthur lifted his head in a confused daze when Alfred slid off the bed, propping himself up on his elbows to watch as the Omega moved for the door. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere." Alfred replied even as he left the room, able to hear his bed creak and groan as Arthur made a move to get up, probably rolling his green eyes in irritation at his boyfriend's antics, unable to predict the storm that was brewing dangerously with every step Alfred took down the stairs.

By the time he reached the landing, Alfred was beyond enraged, glancing over his shoulder to find Arthur at the top of the stairs, pulling his shirt back over his head in case anyone came home and saw the scratches. "This better be good, Al – " Arthur started with a sigh but cut himself off when he noticed whatever look must have been present on Alfred's face. "What's wrong?"

"Was all this a joke to you?"

Arthur quirked a massive eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall as he eyed Alfred carefully. "You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

"The me and you thing." Alfred said, and looking back, that was probably when Arthur began to realize that things were going horribly wrong. "Why did you even want to have sex with me?"

"It's not – " Arthur seemed to be at a loss for words. "It wasn't about that. I know you seem to think I planned it all, but the barn was just – "

"Was it some 'do or die' type thing? Like you were trying to get in one last hurrah before you left?"

"... Bloody hell, is _that _what this is about? Me possibly going to England?"

It wasn't really a big deal. Alfred knew his boyfriend missed England something fierce, and he really couldn't fault him for wanting to go back. Maybe if Alfred had been told sooner, he wouldn't have reacted as badly as he had. But when Arthur told him about his mom's plans to send Arthur and Peter both away, all Alfred could think about was that Arthur was leaving him, and that there was a possibility he wouldn't come back.

Alfred felt a bit used. Arthur was his best friend. Their new-found intimate relationship didn't change that. But if Arthur had known he was leaving when everything began, why not tell Alfred when things started to get serious? Had he just planned on telling him the day he left? Have his mom say something after? If Arthur was going to school there, they would have to leave soon so he and Peter both could get settled in and look for places of education before the year actually started.

Alfred feels like an emotional idiot for it now, wishes he could turn back the clock and melt into Arthur's embrace instead of push him away. He'd been sixteen then, young and in love and incredibly stupid, among other things. But he'd also been very vulnerable, a tender-hearted, adolescent Omega that didn't focus on the then and there, only the future. He'd seen a lonely existence without Arthur, the only other male Omega he knew, the only person he trusted wholeheartedly aside from his brother Matthew, who at that point was still refusing to speak with him.

Alfred wishes with everything he has that he'd been in a mind-set to communicate all of that to Arthur that day, but he hadn't been, and just like with the incident with Gilbert Beilschmidt, Alfred reacted badly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Alfred snapped, startling Arthur, because up until that point, Alfred had been calm. "You asshole, this is a conversation we should've had months ago!"

"It didn't cross my mind. I'd practically forgotten Mum had even mentioned it!"

"Oh, I doubt that. I can't get away with anything, your memory is that good."

Arthur pushed away from the wall, running a hand through his hair in obvious agitation, looking at Alfred as if he were just Peter throwing a temper tantrum. "Okay, fine, Mum's been talking about this for a while now. But it's not a done deal, Alfred. I wasn't going to say anything until we knew for sure."

"Great, well, thanks for being truthful for a change."

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"You don't get to fuck me and then up and leave the country, Arthur!" Alfred shouted, hands balling into fists at his sides. "Good job on proving to me that I'm worth something. All you've really done is establish a booty-call in your favor!"

"Alfred." Arthur said dangerously, and Alfred caught a glimpse of the Arthur Kirkland that would attack an Alpha without blinking. Alfred had never been on the receiving end of such an acidic glare, and to say he wasn't frightened would have been a lie. He'd become accustomed to the fond looks Arthur would send his way when the other Omega thought he wasn't looking, was used to falling into Arthur's arms when he opened them, not scrambling to keep the distance when his boyfriend took a step forward. "I'm probably not even going to school in England, so calm down."

"No, you should go. Really. Don't let me stop you."

"Stop that!" Arthur shouted, and Alfred found himself against the wall near the door, palms pressed flat against the flowered wallpaper as Arthur stalked closer. "You're not even listening! What the hell do you want me to say?"

"I don't know." Alfred said, because he really didn't. He wasn't sure what Arthur could say in that situation to diffuse all the anger Alfred felt inside himself.

"No, that's not good enough!" Arthur slammed his fist against the wall next to Alfred's head, and while the pinned Omega wanted to shrink back, despite the fact that there was nowhere to go, he steeled himself as Arthur glowered down at him, refusing to even flinch. Arthur's scent was overwhelming, though it was far from comforting then, tinged with anger and a hint of fear. "We're going in circles, Alfred. There's always something that comes between the two of us, and it's usually you."

"Don't pin this on me – "

"What's wrong this time? What's going on in that thick skull of yours that can't allow you to have peace with anything you do? Why are you so unhappy?"

"I don't know." Alfred bit out through gritted teeth, pushing at Arthur's shoulders to force the other Omega back. Alfred had known for a long time that something was bothering him, something other than his religion, sexuality, or his nature as an Omega. But he'd never been able to put words to it, couldn't even express it in a graphite portrait. "You think maybe we're having these problems because _you're _so pushy? I barely have time to process something before you're up in my face demanding a response! Just _back off_ a little, would ya?"

Arthur was speechless; and that never happened, not ever. He didn't look shocked as he stared down at Alfred, just... blank. Yes, that was a good word for how Arthur had looked that day. Blank. "You're such a child, Al. You know, that's one of the aspects of your personality that I find most endearing. And irritating."

Alfred supposes it was a good thing Arthur never let him say another word that day. He would have only made the situation worse. "Perhaps I should go to England." Arthur sighed, averting his gaze from Alfred's. "The distance would do us some good. Or at least, I hope it would. You did say you wanted me to back off."

It was then the younger Omega realized his mistake. "That's – "

The front door opened just as Alfred took a hesitant step toward Arthur, and Matthew blinked when he noticed the two of them standing there. "Oh, hey. Am I… interrupting something?"

"I was just on my way out, actually." Arthur replied. He sounded so tired. "I'll see you both later."

"Artie – "

"Just leave it, Alfred." Arthur interrupted, and Alfred wasn't able to conceal his flinch when the other Omega left, slamming the front door behind him.

The blue-eyed American groaned in frustration, running a hand restlessly through his hair. "Sorry, Matthew, that was – "

Matthew was watching him. While that in and of itself wasn't terribly alarming, it was the first time in a couple weeks that Matthew actually _looked_ at Alfred without any prompting. And what Alfred saw set the Omega on edge. "How much did you hear?"

Mattie blinked, glancing out the window to where Arthur could be seen trudging down the street toward his own house. "Enough."

Alfred would have panicked, if it were anyone else. But it was Matthew, his brother, the person he trusted with pretty much everything, even if they had been going through some rough patches. Come to think of it, when was the last time the brothers had spoken face to face like this? Alfred couldn't fathom the idea of his brother betraying him. Even then, Matthew hadn't looked as if he were preparing to run out the door, screaming that his brother was a sinner. He was calm.

The young Omega watched as his Alpha brother shrugged off his jacket and hung it on one of the hooks near the door, though he didn't turn back around, leaving Alfred to stare at his back. "So… you and Arthur… you lay with him as you would a girl?"

"Not exactly." Alfred could literally feel the heat building in his cheeks. "I mean, so far, I've been – "

"I get it!" Matthew said quickly, sparing both of them the embarrassment of what Alfred had almost blurt out. "I get it, Alfred, you don't have to explain."

"You're not gonna tell Mom and Dad, are you?"

Despite being more biologically capable, Matthew was always the one who followed after Alfred when they were kids. He'd always been quiet, not one to express how he felt about most of the things his twin brother did, but that day, the disappointment and uncertainty had been written clearly on Mattie's face, and for a moment, Alfred feared the worst. "No, I'm not. I think this is something you have to tell them yourself. Hearing it from me or anyone else will only make things worse."

Alfred inhaled sharply. Ever since he'd realized his feelings for Arthur, Alfred had steeled himself over the knowledge that his family's reaction wouldn't be a positive one if they ever found out. He'd known that, but in the face of the negative feedback he was receiving from Matthew, it hurt far worse than anything Alfred could have prepared for. But still, he had to try. "I don't think gender matters when it comes to loving someone, Mattie. Arthur and I… we're no different than you and Lilli, or Mom and Dad. It wouldn't feel so weird if society hadn't labeled it harshly."

"So, you do think it's strange?"

"A little." Alfred admitted, more freely than he would have even with Arthur. "Not as much as before, but it's difficult to let go of something I've been told all my life. Thinking back to how I felt in the beginning, and with how things have been between us lately… I can only imagine how much you must hate me now."

Matthew was quiet for a long time. Alfred refused to cry there, planned on waiting until he was in the safety of his bedroom, when the reality of what had happened in such a short amount of time finally sank in: his first real fight with Arthur, Matthew overhearing and hating him for –

Alfred grunted as he found himself being hugged, squirming around in his brother's hold. He always forgot how strong Matthew really was. "I don't hate you." Matthew sounded nearly as wrecked as Alfred felt. "I could never, no matter how many stupid things you do. And you _do _make stupid decisions."

"Hey!"

"I may not understand," Matthew continued, pulling away enough so that Alfred could see his face – and breathe properly – and the Omega was relieved to find that his brother was smiling, "but I want you to be happy. If Arthur makes you happy, I have no right to put a stop to that. But… why were you two fighting when I came home?"

"It's complicated." Alfred sighed as Matthew pulled away completely. "Arthur's probably leaving for England soon."

"He is? What for?"

"School, I think. Apparently Lucie's been talking about it for months, and Arthur just decided to bring it up today."

"So, that's why you were so mad."

"Was I wrong to be?" Alfred asked miserably.

Matthew placed a hand on the back of his own neck, looking to the ceiling with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Arthur must have had his reasons, but it probably would have been better to say something earlier. From all the shouting, I thought you two were breaking up or something."

"Not yet." Alfred replied, and Matthew glanced over at him, blue eyes soft and sympathetic.

"Hey, don't be such a downer. Things will work out! And if they don't, well, it'll be God's way of saying it wasn't meant to be in the first place."

Alfred wasn't sure if his brother was talking about him dating Arthur, or just the whole liking men thing in general. Even if things didn't work out between the two Omegas, Alfred doubted he would focus solely on girls for the rest of his life. It wasn't that simple. But Matthew was still smiling, and Alfred didn't have the heart to do anything that might make it disappear. "I'm starving." Matthew declared, tugging urgently on Alfred's hand. There were still things they needed to talk about, their two month long fight being the most prominent of topics, but it was obvious Matthew wasn't going to approach the subject just yet. "C'mon, let's go make sandwiches."

"But I'm not hungry!"

"Tch. Since when are you not always hungry?"

"You little – Ugh, fine! But, uh, you probably shouldn't eat on the table. Mom hasn't washed it in a few days. You know… germs and stuff."

* * *

Later that evening, Alfred was drawing in his room when he heard the distant sound of knocking on the front door downstairs. Alfred glanced up briefly but didn't make an attempt to get up, knowing it was most likely for his parents or Matthew. Arthur wouldn't show up so soon after their fight, of that Alfred was certain.

Alfred heard his father go to open it, though there wasn't much sound after. Actually, all was completely quiet. He wasn't concerned until Matthew suddenly appeared in his room, shutting the door behind him gently. "You look like you've seen a ghost." Alfred teased as Matthew stood with his back pressed against the door, blue eyes wide. "Did Lilli's dad or Vash ask when you were gonna pop the question again?"

"Lucie's here." Matthew said grimly, and Alfred frowned, closing his sketchbook.

"Okay. Is there some reason why she shouldn't be?"

"I was helping Mom with dinner when Dad went to answer the door. Lucie looked upset. Like, _really _upset. Dad told me to come up here, but I hid around the corner and listened and – She knows, Alfred. About you and Arthur. She's telling Mom and Dad right now!"

Alfred could only stare. After Matthew overheard his and Arthur's argument and realized what was going on between them, nothing had really changed, and Alfred allowed himself to relax. But there was no way the adults were going to be as lenient as Matthew had been. The Omega's worst fears were going to be realized. His parents would disown him or ship him off to a seminary and Arthur –

Alfred nearly catapulted off his bed, knocking his sketchbook and pencil off his lap. "What are you doing?" Matthew asked as Alfred grabbed the phone, dialing one of the only two numbers he'd ever bothered to memorize in his life. "Who could you possibly – "

The phone only rang once. "Hello?"

"Arthur!" Alfred gasped, falling to his knees next to his bedside table, and he heard Matthew lock the door. "Arthur, have you spoken with your mom since this morning?"

"Alfred?" Arthur was obviously trying to sound disinterested, but Alfred could hear the alarmed undertone in the other Omega's voice. No wonder; Alfred's voice was trembling far too much to be normal. "No, I haven't even seen her since she left for work. Why?"

"She's here at my house. And she knows about us. Mattie said she's telling my parents right now! Arthur, how does she know?"

Matthew placed a hand on Alfred's shoulder as the boy cried over the receiver, waiting desperately for Arthur's response but fearing it as well. He didn't want to believe Arthur had told his mom, but who else had known aside from them and Matthew? They'd been careful. There was no possible way…

"That fucking bastard." Arthur said eventually, his voice trembling just as Alfred's was, though with anger instead of fear. "I swear to God, next time I see his face – "

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Just stay in your room." The sound of a door slamming shut came from Arthur's end of the line. "Lock the door and don't leave tonight. Give your parents the opportunity to sleep on whatever my mum is telling them. I'll come over once everything settles down. It'll be okay."

"I love you." Matthew's grip on his shoulder tightened. "I'm so sorry for fighting with you earlier. I overreacted."

"It doesn't matter. Not anymore. I'll see you tonight."

The line went dead before Alfred could reply, though it was Matthew that finally took the phone from his brother after a few moments of silence and hung up. "Mom and Dad will kill me."

"Don't think about it." Matthew said, dragging Alfred to his feet. The Alpha didn't try to deny what his brother was saying, because he knew Alfred was right.

"You should go." Alfred gently shoved his brother in the direction of the door. "If they find out that you knew but didn't say anything… they'll be mad."

"I'm not gonna leave you like this." Matthew retorted, fidgeting anxiously in front of the door. "You don't look so good."

Alfred forced a smile, reaching around Matthew to unlock his bedroom door, and when he opened it, the hushed voices from downstairs seemed more sinister than anything the Omega had ever heard before. "I need to be alone for a while. Arthur said he's coming over later. You wouldn't want to be here for that."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Just go, Mattie, I'll be fine."

But as soon as his brother left the room and Alfred found himself completely alone, the Omega stopped trying to stay calm. For the rest of the evening, he checked every ten or fifteen minutes just to make sure the lock on his door was firmly in place. He sat at the far edge of his bed, pressed against the wall and straining to hear everything that was going on inside his house. Alfred was certain he heard his mom start to cry, though he could have imagined that.

He wasn't sure what to make of it all. His day had been normal enough, dull and uneventful, and then suddenly everything was happening all at once. First Mattie found out, then Lucie, and now Alfred's parents. What with how fast news traveled around town, the whole community would know about Arthur Kirkland and Alfred Jones come morning. They would think they were both dirty homosexuals that did nothing but have sex while they were together.

It was one of the things that bothered Alfred most, that all everyone seemed to focus on when they thought about same-sex couples was the physical aspects. Alfred believed there was such thing as emotional intimacy, something that anyone who was in love was capable of experiencing, even him and Arthur. So what if they couldn't have children together? There was more to life than raising kids. And while sex with Arthur was awesome, Alfred didn't spend all his time thinking about when he could next have access to Arthur's dick.

The first knock came at Alfred's door around nine. Lucie had left nearly half an hour before; Alfred had watched her walk home from his room. He was still watching the streets below his bedroom window when he heard the tentative tapping, and he whipped his head around to stare at the door, holding his breath. "Alfred?" It was his mom. "Are you awake?"

The Omega remained silent. He could see his mother's shadow through the crack at the bottom of the door. She shifted her weight from side to side, and Alfred thought he heard her whispering to someone, probably his dad. "Alfred, you're not in trouble. We just want to talk with you."

Alfred didn't believe a word. There was no way his parents just wanted to talk. There was certain to be yelling and tears. They would make him go to confession. So, Alfred stayed quiet and returned his gaze to the window, didn't move an inch even as his father began to pound on his door, ordering him to open up. For once, his mother was being the passive parent while his dad took the lead. Like a typical Alpha and Omega pair, something Alfred wasn't allowed to experience.

They didn't give up until Matthew came out of his room and told them to give Alfred some space nearly an hour after they started trying to coax him out. Alfred was grateful for his brother's loyalty despite the circumstances. It was nice to know his stickler of an Alpha brother loved him more than he did some Bible passage.

When the sun finally went down, Alfred grew anxious, watching the streets for any sign of Arthur. He couldn't see the Kirkland house from his window, though he could see the sidewalk that led down to it. He really hoped Arthur kept his word. He didn't feel like being alone for the rest of the night.

Finally, at nearly midnight, Alfred noticed movement from the shadows. He didn't make a move to unlatch his window until the figure stepped onto his front lawn, and by the time Arthur had managed to climb his way up to Alfred's window and into his bedroom, the younger Omega was crying. "Are you okay?" Arthur demanded quietly, reaching out to grip Alfred's shoulder just as Matthew had done earlier. His green eyes flashed dangerously in the gloom. "Did you speak with your parents?"

"I'm fine. And, no, I didn't."

"Thank God." Arthur was wearing the same grey t-shirt and jeans he'd had on earlier in the day. Distraught as he was, Alfred probably wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't clambered into Arthur's lap the moment the eighteen-year-old was settled on his bed. "I'm so sorry it took me so long to get over here. Mum and Alasdair were still talking in the kitchen when I left. It's only a matter of time until they notice I'm gone."

"What are we gonna do?" Alfred whispered. He couldn't pretend that things were okay, no matter how much he wanted to. "You didn't hear my dad. He sounded like he wanted to rip my door off its hinges and beat the gay out of me."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"Do you know how your mom found out?"

"I told Scott." Arthur admitted. Alfred was astounded. Last he'd checked, Arthur and Scott weren't on the best of terms. What was Arthur doing telling his older brother something like that? "It wasn't a conscientious decision on my part. When he came home to visit over spring break, he brought his new-found drinking habit along with him and… well, I suppose you can hazard a guess as to what happened."

"You idiot." Figures Arthur would admit to something so devastating while in a drunken stupor. Not that Alfred was surprised. Arthur may have been a man of the Church, but he had a rebellious streak that was fueled by his curiosity to try new things. A bottle of brandy or whatever else Scott had brought with him must have been too much of a temptation for Arthur. "And here I thought I'd be the one to spill."

"I'm sorry, Al." Arthur sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Alfred's, closing his eyes. "He was so pissed he could hardly talk straight. I didn't think he would remember. I hardly do. Weeks passed and still, he never said anything, so I thought we were fine. There's a slim chance it wasn't him and Mum found out some other way, but I'd bet my life that it was Scott. Remember when he told on us for accidentally busting the Beilschmidt's window when we were kids?"

"He was always awful at keeping secrets." Alfred said, blue eyes trained on Arthur's green ones as the older Omega ran his hands over the expanse of Alfred's back. Alfred knew Scott well enough to know that the second oldest of the Kirkland clan hadn't told on them to be spiteful. He was probably just concerned for them and wanted to put an end to whatever was happening before it was too late to get out. Alfred wasn't angry with Scott, but it was obvious Arthur didn't share the same sentiment. "What do we do now?"

Arthur was quiet for a moment. "Your parents are asleep, yes?"

"As far as I know."

"Hmm. Even so, we'll have to be quiet."

"What are you – "

"Do you trust me, Al?"

"Well, yeah, but – "

"Then follow me."

* * *

Alfred had never gone outside past ten o'clock before. Not that he was scared of the dark or anything, it was just kind of creepy to walk down the streets of his hometown and not see a single person.

He held onto Arthur's hand tightly as the other Omega led him through the dimly lit streets, unsure of where they were going although he'd been all too willing to leave his house when Arthur suggested the idea.

Despite the fact that it was way past the time when he normally went to bed – especially on a Saturday night, considering he had mass in the morning – Alfred wasn't tired. His stomach was in knots, he had a horrible headache, and all he could think about was how these were probably the last couple of hours he would spend alone with Arthur for a while.

"Here we are." Arthur said suddenly, sounding quite pleased with himself, and Alfred looked up from the cracked pavement below him to find himself in pretty much the last place he wanted to be right then.

"You brought me to church." Alfred said flatly as Arthur tugged him inside. "What, are we gonna go to confession and renounce our heathenistic ways in the house of the Lord?"

The church was unlocked at all hours of the day. There wasn't much to steal anyway, not that anyone in town would ever think to do so. It was quiet inside, the entire establishment smelling of what Arthur said was smoke but Alfred thought of as old people. Candles near the alter and tabernacle were the only source of light once Arthur closed the door, and Alfred found himself migrating to the pew his and Arthur's families always sat in during Sunday mass.

He placed his hand on the back of the pew and just stood there for a moment, aware that those once boring Sundays were now far out of his reach. Alfred saw phantom images of Scott and Alasdair tearing information sheets in their hands out of boredom, Annie fidgeting in agitation as Peter pulled on locks of her hair, and Arthur or Matthew nudging Alfred as the blue-eyed Omega dozed off during the homily.

Despite the intense sadness he felt, Alfred couldn't help but smile. He missed the Sundays they'd all shared before Annie left for Anderson and Scott for Cornell, even if he'd never liked going to church.

"Come on, Al." Arthur said softly, placing a fleeting touch on Alfred's elbow.

They walked to the front pew, Alfred mimicking Arthur in making the sign of the cross before sitting down next to his boyfriend, staring up at the massive crucifix on the wall behind the alter as he waited for an explanation as to why they were there.

As the silence wore on, Alfred spared a glance at Arthur only to find that his eyes were closed and he was mouthing words silently to himself. Alfred stared, mesmerized, until Arthur sighed and blinked, returning Alfred's look. "I always come here whenever I feel stuck."

"I didn't know that."

Arthur smiled. "You don't always pay close attention when it comes to anything that has to do with the Church."

"I'm sorry." Alfred replied, and he meant it. He knew how much their religion meant to Arthur, and it bothered him to some degree that he didn't care as much as Arthur wanted him to. He never had and probably never would, but on this last night, he would try. He owed Arthur that much. "I honestly can't remember the last time I actually prayed when I didn't need something from Him."

"I've noticed that it's when a person is at his or her lowest that they turn their hearts to God. Either way, He's always there to listen."

"Always." Alfred echoed, focusing his attention on the crucifix once more. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, three persons of the Holy Trinity; a mystery no one alive could fully comprehend. Alfred had been told all his life that Jesus had died for their sins. So, they would all inevitably fail. Was it really so bad if he and Arthur shared a bed together, if Christ had already paid their debt? "So, He's here now? He sees us?"

"Yes. And no matter what we do, no matter where we go, He will hear us when we're in trouble, and He will help. All we have to do as humans is reach out."

"Don't you think it's lousy if someone like me only prays when I need something?"

"Better late than never." Arthur said, and Alfred looked down as the other Omega grasped his hand, entwining their fingers together. "At least you recognize that He exists and that you can't do everything alone every once in a while. Some can't even do that much. Even if our families and our community shut us out, Alfred, He won't. The both of us are here in our darkest hour. That should be enough."

Alfred closed his eyes, squeezing Arthur's hand so tightly his entire arm started to tremble. "But what if it's not?"

"Then we tried our best, though our best wasn't good enough. But at least we were kind and open to those who deserved it. At least we acknowledged that we weren't perfect. That's more than a lot of people would do."

Arthur made a sound as if he were going to say more but thought better of it, and the older of the two Omegas stayed quiet for a few more moments before speaking again, though not to Alfred. "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

Alfred stayed silent as Arthur continued on with his prayer, still holding Alfred's hand but completely focused on the alter and the area surrounding it. Alfred's eyes began to burn as he listened to his best friend speak, not listening for variations in his speech pattern or even just his voice in general, but the emotion laid thick beneath every word.

In the church with Alfred close at hand, Arthur was probably in as peaceful a state as possible. But even considering that, he sounded wrecked. He sounded lost, like he was on the verge of tears, and Alfred bit his lip, filled with loathing for his parents and Lucie and Scott and everyone in the world who looked down on people like him and Arthur.

See, that was the thing. They were all people, with emotions and aspirations. Female Omegas were supposed to stay home and raise children. Male Omegas were supposed to work and provide for a family but also ignore their instincts to do as the women did. Looking past the gender, they were all the same. The only thing that set them apart was society's perspective. Alfred wanted that to change more than anything, so things like this didn't have to happen, so someone like Arthur didn't have to feel like the only person who cared was someone he couldn't even see.

" – and deliver us from evil. Amen." Arthur had said it twice already, but on the third, a hesitant voice finally joined his.

"Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name." It was difficult to force the words out. Alfred didn't know if he was praying for the wrong reasons, for Arthur's sake or for his own, but he didn't care. Catholicism aside, Alfred believed in a benevolent God, and Arthur was right – He was listening. He wasn't going to abandon them, not ever and especially not then, and Alfred could say the "Our Father" knowing that.

"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

The boys fell asleep like that with tears streaming down their faces, and it was the sight of them huddled together in the front most pew that greeted their local priest when he walked into the building the next morning. "Are you boys okay?"

"We came here last night seeking council, Father." Arthur said groggily while Alfred blinked sleep out of his eyes. They were still holding hands. "I apologize if – "

Father Todd chuckled above them, dressed in his black seminarian garb, and the look he gave the two was fond. Alfred wondered if that look would melt away into one of hatred if the man knew just what he and Arthur were to each other, if the hand holding weren't indication enough. "There's no need for apologies, Arthur. It's just odd to see the two of you here out of your Sunday best. What would your mothers say?"

"'I didn't raise you to be such a heathen.'" Alfred said, turning away from the priest. "That's what my mom would say, anyway."

It was the first Sunday in nearly seven years that Arthur Kirkland and Alfred Jones didn't sit in their respective pew. As families started showing up, Alfred released Arthur's hand to wipe his sweaty palms on the fabric of his jeans, uncertain if his own family would show up. They shared pleasantries with Feliciano and Lovino when they arrived through the side door, Antonio and Lilli when they showed up a few minutes after each other, and Arthur glared at Gilbert as his former classmate shuffled in with his family. It was almost as if nothing had changed.

The rest of the Jones-Kirkland clan showed up a few minutes before the service was about to start. There were whispers as no one made a move to join Arthur and Alfred at the front, but Alfred had expected that. He couldn't help but note that even though his parents and Lucie had probably believed him and Arthur to be locked up in their rooms, they'd gone to mass without them anyway.

Arthur and Alfred exchanged a look.

Alfred threw himself completely into the service, refusing to think about anything aside from prayer. It was odd; Alfred had been going to mass since he was a baby, but he'd paid so little attention that there were things about the rituals that he hadn't noticed before, though looking back, he still can't remember them.

After the closing song, the two Omegas stood up and approached their usual pew. Peter, at least, looked delighted to see them, and Arthur took his younger brother in his arms when the Beta reached for him. "You're almost too heavy to hold now, Petey."

Matthew looked about ready to kill himself when Alfred met his gaze, and the Omega gave his Alpha twin a reassuring smile that wasn't returned. No one said anything to the boys. After all, there wasn't anything _to _say – at least not in the presence of so many people.

Lucie and Alasdair were refusing to look at Alfred, though Lucie and Arthur shared a silent look that probably spoke volumes to the green-eyed Omega. Alfred's own parents looked vaguely uncomfortable – or at least his mom had, shifting her weight and eyes nervously, as if the entire congregation could feel the sin radiating off her Omega son. His dad was impassive for a change, talking pleasantly with Father Todd when the man approached, but Alfred could tell his dad was silently fuming.

Even then the Omega knew he had lost his father's favor forever.

Alasdair and Lucie started to walk away, giving Arthur no choice but to follow, and Alfred felt a tug at his heart as he watched the other Omega leave, out of the building that had become their sanctuary over the past few hours. Once they left, they would be at the mercy of their families, and they wouldn't hold back.

Arthur paused before he got too far, however, hoisting Peter up higher on his hip as he turned around to face Alfred. His green eyes were sad, but he was smiling. "See you later, Al."

"Yeah. Bye, Artie."

It was the last they ever saw of each other.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: _Well, we can consider this story finished for the time being. _**But** _I'm not going to mark it as completed just yet because I do plan on adding a part where Alfred and Arthur meet up again. I can't leave it completely on a sad note.

* * *

"What? No, no, no, c'mon, Alfred, that can't be it!"

Alfred blinks over the rim of his coffee mug, taking in the urgent expressions of the people sitting around his table. Or two urgent, one curious, yet reserved. "What do you mean that can't be it? Arthur went to England and I haven't seen or spoken to him since. You knew that, Lizzie. There's nothing more to tell you."

Elizabeta shouts indignantly, drawing the eyes of the other patrons of the café they're frequenting. Tino appears saddened and Berwald looks impassive, as usual, but Alfred can tell the Alpha is concerned. They've all known each other for three years, have suffered through college and all it has to offer as a unit, as Elizabeta would say, but this is the first time Alfred's actually opened up about his past with them.

He's not sure why he decided to do it now, especially in the most non-private place on campus, but he figures it was about time he started trusting in his friends. Elizabeta told them all about her struggles growing up as a female Alpha in a household ruled by Alpha brothers, and Tino and Berwald are usually all too willing to talk about the things they had to go through to get to where they are now, happily mated and expecting a child in February. Alfred knows all about them, and Elizabeta aside, they don't know much about him, how he'd come to be there in Brooklyn after living in Kansas his whole life.

"I mean, what happened after?" Elizabeta demands, her cheeks red either from irritation over what happened in Alfred's childhood, or because she hasn't bothered to take off her coat, scarf, and gloves even though they've been in the café for well over an hour. "What did your parents do? What about Arthur's mom? _Please _tell me Scott got what was coming to him!"

"Maybe Alfred doesn't want to discuss it." Tino says, reaching up to scratch at the skin underneath the fabric of his scarf, though he doesn't try to take it off, knowing Berwald would pitch a fit. The Alpha was protective of his mate before, but ever since Tino announced the pregnancy, it's gotten a lot worse. Alfred can't help but smile whenever Berwald gets fussy, however. "He's told us plenty already."

"But – "

"No, it's fine." Alfred laughs. "I just didn't think you'd want to hear it. My angsty teenage years aren't especially entertaining."

"No, I think you're plenty entertaining." Elizabeta says, leaning heavily over the table as she stares at Alfred, a fiery shine present in her green eyes that reminds Alfred of Arthur. "I want all the details in case I decide to turn this into my first novel."

"Wouldn't that be against the law?" Berwald asks. "Not to mention a violation of privacy?"

"Not if Al gives me his consent!"

Alfred shakes his head. "No one ever found out about what happened between me and Arthur. Gossip usually spread like wildfire around town, but I guess my parents and Lucie tried their hardest to make sure nothing ever got out. To everyone else, I guess it must have looked like our families just stopped communicating once Arthur, Peter, and Alasdair left for Finchley. I think Alasdair only went just to keep an eye on Arthur for Lucie, actually.

"Anyway, my parents tried to get me to go to confession after mass that day, but I refused. I wasn't ashamed of what had happened, and since Arthur wasn't around to defend us, I decided it was up to me. I think they just gave up on me after that. They took the lock off my door and if I had friends over we weren't allowed to go up to my room. I kind of stopped caring about everything again. I just stayed in my room and didn't really talk to anybody."

"You can't even sit still for an entire lecture." Tino says worriedly. Nowadays, Alfred is pretty loud and energetic while in public, just as he was back in his childhood. Tino and Berwald haven't seen how he is on a bad day, so it must be hard for them to imagine a subdued Alfred that never left his room unless it was to eat or go to the bathroom. Elizabeta, on the other hand, has seen plenty. "Didn't you get bored?"

"Nah. My parents sort of bought me whatever I wanted just to keep me out of their hair. They bought me a TV for my room and a whole bunch of art stuff, so I never really needed to leave the house unless it was for school or work. Believe it or not, I was quite the rebel after Arthur left."

"You? A rebel?" Elizabeta snorts, though a waiter walking past her chair momentarily distracts her. He's tall and blond with clear skin and green eyes, and by the smell of him, he's an Alpha, so Alfred assumes Elizabeta's filed him as "Worth Pursuing." She's not particular about potential mate candidates, though Alfred knows she prefers Alpha's like herself, someone who can keep up with her intellect or something like that. "I find that hard to believe coming from the man who spends most of his time alone with his cat."

Getting a pet had never been part of his plan, but when Alfred saw a kitten in a window at the pet shop on his way home from work one day, he hadn't been able to walk away without her. Sally's a Scottish Fold with green eyes and white fur, though her tail and about half of her face are a light brown. She's pretty crotchety, but Alfred's never had any trouble getting her to snuggle with him. She doesn't much care for Elizabeta or Tino – Alfred can't figure out why, since Elizabeta is really freaking loud at all times whereas Tino is soft-spoken unless he's drunk, so he can't see what makes them similar in Sally's eyes – but she is fond of Berwald.

Alfred is certain they bond over the fact that they both think the entire world is filled with morons. Or at least Alfred gets the impression that Sally thinks so when she watches him from her perch on the dresser without blinking as he dances around his apartment whenever the mood hits him.

"At least Sally lets me tell stories without interrupting me every five seconds." Alfred retorts, and when she sticks her tongue out at him, he narrows his eyes and does the same. Really, they're both twenty-one going on eleven. "And by being a rebel, I mean contradicting everything my parents said and refusing to do what they wanted me to. I think they were all too willing to pay for me to come to school here once I mentioned it."

Alfred always says that he dislikes his parents, but that's not actually true. In fact, he loves his parents and misses them more than he can possibly say, but he's come to terms with the fact that they're not as close as they once were and probably never will be again. Alfred calls home sometimes, and while his mom always answers and sounds happy to hear from him, their conversations are short and simple. They hold no meaning. She always makes excuses as to why his dad can't come to the phone, like "He's at the office" or "Oh, he's taking a nap," but Alfred knows. He just smiles – though she can't see it – and says he'll talk to him next time without ever planning to actually do so.

He knows his parents still love him, too, but they never did get over the fact that he's bi-sexual, and Alfred doesn't think they ever will. They send him rent for his apartment although at this point Alfred can afford to do it himself. It's kind of funny, actually. They don't necessarily like him, but they still take care of him.

His mom will sometimes ask if he's found a mate in the time he's been gone, to which he replies, "I have a boyfriend," and the subject is dropped. They may not be in contact anymore, but Alfred still considers him and Arthur to be in a relationship, and he'll continue to do so until someone – mainly Arthur – tells him otherwise.

It's a lonely existence, but he's used to it by now. Nearly eight years of suffering through his heats by himself and Alfred's stopped dreading them, though they're far from pleasant. He sometimes envies Tino, who has the life Alfred's always fantasized about but was told he couldn't have, but he's so overcome by happiness for him and Berwald that it's easy to ignore.

They certainly weren't free of troubles, though their parents don't think their relationship is abnormal like Alfred's did with his own. No, their problem was society, people like Gilbert Beilschmidt. Alfred has to stay on his toes when he's in public alone with Tino now that his baby bump is more noticeable. Male Omegas aren't as uncommon in Brooklyn as they were in Allen, though there are some people who look at Tino with disgust. Tino is none the wiser, too excited about the fact that he's having Berwald's kid to care what other people think, though he allows Alfred to act like a mother hen.

"I remember when you first got here." Elizabeta says, smiling at the memory. "You were this small-town boy completely blown away by the 'big city'. You were so cute!"

"What's with all this 'were' business, Lizzie?"

"I recall a certain someone thinking Alfred was lying about being from Kansas since he didn't have much of an accent." Berwald comments, smirking into his hot chocolate when Tino smacks his shoulder. "And asked him if he'd lived on a farm and raised horses."

"Excuse me for thinking Kansas was part of the South! I don't spend all my time looking at a map."

"It's actually the Midwest." Alfred offers, though the two are beyond hearing.

When it came time for him and Matthew to pick colleges, Alfred hadn't been sure what to do with his life, but he was certain that he wanted to get away from his parents. Since all he really did after Arthur left was focus on school and paint, he received the highest ACT score possible, so the options were endless, and when he'd been leafing through a book of schools in the guidance counselor's office at school one day, he picked the first one that caught his eye and sounded appealing.

"Brooklyn College?" Mattie had said when he read the paper Alfred had written all the information down on. "What made you pick this one? It's all the way in New York!"

"It's far away."

"… Is that really what made you decide, Al?"

"It has an art program."

"Closer schools do, too!"

"But this one's _far away_."

His parents had been more receptive to the idea than Matthew and didn't cause a fuss when Alfred applied without consulting them first. He received an acceptance later nearly a month later, though he left it open on the table for his parents to see instead of telling them himself.

His dad took care of everything, though he and Alfred didn't communicate much during the period after graduation and before he left for college. Alfred spent most of his time with his friends, who were sad he was going but knew better than to try and deter him. Though Feliciano, Lovino, Lilli, Antonio, and Ludwig hadn't known what had happened between his family and Arthur's, they knew Alfred hadn't been the same since the other Omega left, and they were supportive of his decision to go to school out of state.

Matthew had insisted on accompanying Alfred out to New York. He'd hovered over Alfred throughout their junior and senior years of high school and hadn't been able to break out of the habit by the time Alfred was supposed to leave, though the Omega hadn't cared. He was actually a bit apprehensive about moving from one life to another with no time to detox, and with his twin at his side, it didn't seem as daunting. He had his own apartment – his parents hadn't been comfortable with him sharing a dorm with someone, not just because of his sexuality but also his nature as an Omega – but Alfred hadn't complained. He'd come to appreciate his privacy ever since Arthur left.

It was only because of Matthew that Alfred had even met Elizabeta Héderváry. She'd seen them wandering around campus one day and had approached simply because she could tell Matthew was an Alpha and found him attractive enough. Alfred was content to let his brother blush and squirm over the woman's advances before enough was enough and he took hold of his brother's wrist, showing off the promise ring that marked him as taken.

Elizabeta had been able to laugh the whole thing off, and the trio spent the entire day together. She and Alfred had hit it off almost instantly, and having made a new friend, Alfred wasn't nearly as anxious as he thought he would be when Matthew finally left to go back home. Elizabeta had introduced him to Berwald and Tino a few days later and the four of them had been nearly inseparable ever since.

"I'm sorry, Al." Tino says while Berwald and Elizabeta continue to bicker amongst themselves. The Omega looks sad, his fingers twitching around his Styrofoam cup of water. "No one deserves that. Least of all you."

Alfred shrugs, momentarily distracted by the snowflakes falling outside. He can't remember the last time he found the will to play around in the snow. Not since he and Matthew were kids, when Feliciano would always try to make their snowmen more detailed than necessary. "I don't know. Everything happens for a reason, I guess."

"What was Arthur like?" Tino asks, and Alfred has to fight back a massive grin. Leave it to Tino to sense when something isn't right and try to change the topic to something happier. "You must love him for a reason."

"Sometimes I wondered." Alfred chuckles, aware that while the other two are still bickering, he has Elizabeta's attention. "Artie was… I don't know, he was everything. He was smart and kind; headstrong, which surprised a lot of people, since he's an Omega. Family meant more to him than anything. You know, I can't name off individual things I loved about him, because every little thing was just part of the whole that was Arthur. Everything he did made my head spin. I thought of him as a brother for a long time. He was just family, my best friend, until he had his first heat and started acting weird around me."

"Weird how?" Elizabeta pipes up.

"Like he knew something I didn't." Alfred explains, remembering how Arthur would watch him without speaking as Alfred played with Peter on the floor after school. "I was suddenly something to handle with care. He was figuring out what we were to each other, and I had absolutely no idea."

They're all quiet for a few moments. Alfred knows they pity him, but at least they're not being all that open about it. He doesn't like to let on that he's anything less than fine, and he understands that from this point on, his friends are going to worry about him. He won't show up for a lunch date or something and they'll wonder. But he can handle it. At least now he doesn't have to hide. "When you and Arthur fought," Elizabeta says, tossing her head slightly to get her bangs out of her eyes, "you said that you knew something was bothering you, something other than being an Omega or Catholic or bi that bothered you. Did you ever figure out what it was?"

Alfred smiles ruefully. "Nope. I'm just as clueless as I was then."

For some reason, this marks the end of the discussion. Maybe it's because they can see how tired he is. Alfred's not sure. "We should get going." Berwald says, glancing over at Tino, who nods. "Tino has a doctor's appointment at twelve-thirty."

"You guys gonna find out what the sex is today?" Alfred asks as they all start to gather their things. "Or do you still want to wait until February when it comes?"

"I'm dying of anticipation at this point." Tino says, waving Berwald away as the Alpha makes a move to help him up. "Slow your roller, papa, I can get up on my own."

"Drive carefully." Elizabeta says once they're all outside. She's standing close to Alfred, pressed up against his right side, though she's not shivering. "If something happens to my darling godchild, I'm holding you personally responsible, Berwald."

Tino laughs at the dark expression on Berwald's face before leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. Alfred watches quietly. He'll never get used to that. "There's no need to worry. He takes good care of us. See you guys later!"

Alfred and Elizabeta wave and don't lower their hands until the two are out of sight, and Alfred is anxious to get home. He can't help but think about the things that have happened from time to time, but he's only sat down and told the entire story from the beginning twice, and the first time had been nearly two years ago. He's exhausted and jumpy, and taking a nap with Sally curled up against his back sounds pretty appealing.

"Why did you pretend like you didn't know any of that?" Alfred says as Elizabeta pulls her white knitted beanie over her head, tucking the hems snugly around her ears. "I've told you the story before."

"Yeah, but Tino and Berwald didn't know that." She says. "I didn't want them to think you trusted me more than you did them."

Alfred supposes he can understand her reasoning. He hadn't actually planned to tell the Alpha about his past when she confronted him about it two years ago. She'd come over to his apartment right after a pretty draining phone conversation with his mom and wouldn't leave Alfred be until he told her why he was so distraught. After all the years of hiding, he'd been afraid Elizabeta would hate him for falling in love with another Omega, a male Omega, but she hadn't cared. Neither had Berwald or Tino, of course, when he eventually told them he was bi.

With their help, Alfred wasn't afraid of anyone finding out about his sexuality anymore. He wouldn't say it outright but definitely didn't try to hide it and was frank with anyone who asked – no one really did – and he was happy. Tired, but happy.

"It never gets any easier."

Alfred frowns. "What's that?"

"Listening to you talk about what happened." Elizabeta sighs, looping her arm through Alfred's as she starts to lead them from the café. "I kinda just want to go to your house and yell at your parents until I'm blue in the face."

"You and me both. But it's in the past. Can't do anything about it now."

"Still!" Elizabeta whines, tugging on Alfred's arm, and the Omega can't help but laugh. To any passersby, they would look like a couple. It's not uncommon for people to ask if they're mated while they're out together, to which Elizabeta will list off a dozen different reasons why she would _never ever ever _mate with him, and while the feeling is mutual, Alfred has to fight down a furious blush.

It's hard, being best friends with an Alpha that isn't related to him. Berwald's already mated and doesn't even look at an Omega in that way unless it's Tino, so he's not much of an issue like Elizabeta is. They both have to stay on their toes in moments of weakness, like if either of them is drunk and doesn't have the best judgment, because it could end badly. Alfred's only had three heat cycles since he met her, and he's made a point to tell her beforehand after she walked into his apartment while he was incapacitated during that first year of college.

Alfred remembers tensing up in fear when his bedroom door opened and the scent of a mature Alpha hit him, watching as Elizabeta moved further into the room only to crouch down beside his bed. He held his breath, clutching tightly at his bed sheets as Elizabeta regarded him with intense green eyes, so similar to Arthur's that Alfred had to bury his face in a pillow to hide his tears. He felt a hand in his hair and a voice saying, "You'll be okay," and when he finally lifted his head, the Alpha was gone.

Arthur used to complain that he had to lock himself away so an Alpha didn't smell his heat scent and take advantage of him while under the influence of his pheromones. Alfred wonders what he would think if he met Elizabeta, an Alpha who was in complete control around Omegas and didn't allow herself a moment of weakness. Alfred doesn't know how she does it or why she came into his room that day. Maybe she'd been trying to say without words that he didn't have to worry about her taking advantage of him.

They don't talk about it. They don't really need to, after all.

"How come you and Arthur haven't talked? It's been five years, right?"

"Yeah." Alfred sighs, because five years is too long a time. "I don't know where he lives and there's no one to tell me. He's in the same position. Mattie promised me he would say something to Artie if he ever came back home, but so far there's no sign of him. When he went to England it was almost like all traces of him vanished completely. No one but me and our friends from school who didn't know what happened would talk about him."

"You really love him." Elizabeta says, and while she's known about Arthur for a few years now, she still sounds as if this is news to her. "After all these years, you're still waiting."

Elizabeta releases her hold on his arm when they reach their cars, though Alfred snags her wrist. "I worry that he doesn't love me anymore, after all that happened." He says, because who else can he tell? Alfred can't burden Matthew more than he already has, and Elizabeta lives for this stuff. She loves helping other people. "I'll feel like an ass if I've been the only one waiting all this time."

"He'd have to be an idiot to let go of you." Elizabeta says. "Or have a death wish. But I doubt he's stopped loving you. He fought so hard to get you to accept yourself, right? That's a lot of work to put into someone you're just gonna dump."

"Gee, thanks."

Elizabeta smiles as Alfred lets go of her wrist, reaching over the push the Omega's shoulder. "Anyway, don't sweat it. Just focus on that teaching degree and everything will work out, you'll see. I'll come by tomorrow morning so we can go get some stuff for Tino's baby shower. See ya, Al!"

Alfred says goodbye and then climbs into his car. Now that Elizabeta isn't at his side, he can't help but think about all he told Berwald and Tino at the café. He remembers mostly every detail of his life after meeting Arthur. He remembers growing up with him, laughing and crying with him, and falling in love with him. And while those memories aren't something Alfred would give up for anything, nowadays they mostly serve as a reminder that the confident, exuberant child he once was is gone, and it's likely that he'll never feel that way again.

Alfred turns on the engine and checks his mirrors before pulling out of the parking lot, driving through the snow-dusted streets as carefully as he can.

* * *

When Alfred gets home, Sally is draped over the back of the couch, and she watches him without moving as he closes the door and removes his coat. "Today's been a weird day." He says, and her ears twitch.

He toes off his sneakers and walks around the side of the couch, falling back onto the off-white cushions with a sigh. He's starting to wonder why he even decided to tell Berwald and Tino about his childhood. The Omega feels shaky and tired, hollow, like he always did after a fight with his dad.

Alfred saw a new side of his father after Arthur left, a side that terrified him. His dad had always been a quiet, pleasant man that never had anything negative to say about anybody. His wife ruled the household, and he was perfectly content to let her do so. But after everything that happened, his dad was almost an oppressive figure in the house. If he did talk, it was never about anything pleasant, and he scrutinized everything Alfred said and did.

As an adolescent Omega, it had been a fairly terrifying experience, living in the same house with an Alpha that smelled constantly of barely suppressed rage. Alfred had been able to hide it well enough and refused to back down during their fights, though Matthew always had to sit with him afterwards until Alfred had calmed down enough to function.

Alfred tips his head over the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes, wondering, not for the first time, why everything had to go so terribly wrong.

He wakes up a few hours later to the sound of someone knocking on his door. Sally has migrated to his lap and is curled up on one of his thighs, though she lifts her head when Alfred shifts with a groan, reaching up to rub at his neck. That's the last time he's falling asleep anywhere aside from his bed. "Hold on!" Alfred calls groggily, lifting Sally with one hand and shifting so he can easily hop over the back of the couch. The feline in his grip remains limp and pliant. At this point, she's probably used to being handled haphazardly.

Alfred's trying to stifle a yawn as he unlocks and opens his door, though when he sees who's standing in the hall, he's pretty sure he's still asleep and is just dreaming.

It really has been too long. He's definitely gotten taller, or maybe she shrunk, Alfred's not sure, and aside from the fact that her hair is now stalk straight, no longer curly, she looks the same. Only happier. He supposes leaving Allen behind was the best decision any of them could have made.

"Alfred Foster Jones." Annie says, eyes watering dangerously as she gives him a once over, and her accent startles him, he hasn't heard it in so long. "You've certainly grown up."

"A – Annie?" Alfred stutters, standing frozen in his doorway although he knows he should move to let her in. The last time he saw her, she was driving away in her future husband's car, trying not to cry as Arthur stood tall and silent beside him. She's wearing jeans, boots, and an off-white sweater, her winter coat draped over one arm, and Alfred's not sure if there is such a thing, but she does have the "mom" look. "What are you – How did you – "

"Mattie told me where you lived. I figured it was high time for a reunion." Annie says, smiling sadly as she meets Alfred's gaze once again. "I drove all the way out here, you know. Aren't you going to let me in?"

"Oh, yeah, sure!" Annie smiles and steps forward as Alfred moves out of the way, and the Omega closes the door once Annie is completely inside. He's not sure what to make of all of this, is still half-asleep and a bit disoriented, but he can't deny that he's overjoyed to see Annie again after such a long time.

He allows Annie to make herself comfortable while he bends over to set Sally on the floor, though the Scottish Fold stays close. Annie watches him, takes in every subtle movement Alfred makes, and by the time Alfred sits on the couch again, angling his body so he faces Annie, he feels nervous. "You look like you're going to be ill." She muses, unwrapping her scarf from around her neck. "You don't have to worry, Al. It's just me."

"Sorry. It's just… your hair isn't curly."

The British woman smirks, and Alfred feels like crying. He doesn't know what to do or say. This is the first time he's spoken to a Kirkland in five years. More memories are starting to pile up, ones he didn't share with Berwald and Tino, things he can't bear to think about, even now. "I know, it took me a while to get used to it. David as well. The girls used to tug on my curls when they were babies. Apparently straight hair isn't nearly as interesting."

Alfred knows David is the name of Annie's mate, and the baby she had with him turned out to be a female Beta that they named Marie. Mattie told him as much, said she was adorable and looked just like Annie, but Alfred's never seen her before. "You had another kid?"

Annie nods. "Another girl. She's an Alpha like David. We named her Avery. She's about three now, and Marie is six. Marie has the Kirkland eyebrows, though they don't make her look mean. Avery thinks they're caterpillars."

Alfred snorts, raising a hand to his face to muffle the sound, and he accidentally elbows Sally, who yowls unhappily. "Is this Sally?" Annie asks as Alfred scoops the cat up, more relieved than he's ever been that he had her declawed. It's bad enough that she hasn't been spayed.

"In the fur." Alfred says, rubbing behind the feline's folded ears. "She was the runt of her litter. I saw her in a pet shop about two years ago. All her brothers and sisters were playing together and she was just sitting there in a corner. I don't know… I think I related to her in a way. I couldn't go home without her."

Annie looks perturbed, but she's still smiling, perhaps trying to stay strong for both their sakes. "I'm sure you take great care of her. Now, tell me, what's going on in your life?"

"There isn't much to tell you, really. Umm… I'm studying to be an art teacher."

"Is that so? Matthew did say you were studying art, but he didn't say anything about a teaching degree. Somehow that seems fitting. Do you want to teach younger kids?"

Alfred shakes his head. "No, I was thinking more on a high school level. I think teenagers are more in need of outlets for whatever stresses they may be going through. I sure did, and my art teacher was really helpful. I know some kids won't be as receptive as others, but at least I can help those that do."

"I remember when I wanted to be a teacher. As it turns out, that wasn't in God's plan for me." Annie says, though she doesn't sound bitter. Alfred feels like a teenager again at the mention of His name, sitting in a circle with Arthur, Scott, Alasdair, Annie, and Matthew in the Jones' living room for Saturday night Bible study. "Even if it didn't happen in the way I wanted it to, I love being a mum. My girls mean everything to me. David spoils them rotten. Marie's a bit of a brat."

"I guess a lot of things didn't play out the way we thought they would." Alfred says. "I'm glad you're happy, Annie. I worried about you."

"And I you." She replies, and Alfred feels as if this is when he figures out why she came all this way just to see him. "I still worry about you. How are you, Al, really?"

"I'm… better." Alfred says, because there's no other way to describe himself. "Not the same, but better. I guess you've been in contact with Matthew all this time. Did he tell you how things used to be?"

Annie nods, reaching up to tuck a strand of bright red hair behind her ear. "Yes, and I'll always regret not being there to help you. But in a way, I'm also glad I had no other choice but to stay away. Matthew… he told me about what happened that made you decide you wanted to attend school so far away from home."

Alfred sighs, shifting restlessly in his seat. Sally is purring in his lap, and it helps to keep him grounded, reminds him that he's not in Allen anymore and he doesn't have to go back if he doesn't want to. "He remembers what happened that night better than I do."

"Is that where your scar came from?"

The skin where Alfred knows his scar to be seems to burn when Annie brings it up. It's barely noticeable since he left Kansas, where his skin was so sun-kissed that the blemish stood out starkly after it healed and the scab went away. He doesn't go out much anymore, so his skin is paler and the scar is easily hidden. Now it's just a small pink line below Alfred's right eye. Only Elizabeta knows how it got there. "His high school ring sliced open the skin when he punched me. I think he knocked me out, 'cause I was in my bed when I woke up, and Mattie had a bag of ice pressed to my face."

"I remember when your dad used to take us all out for ice cream after school. He never seemed like the violent sort."

"He's not. I didn't go to mass with them on Christmas Eve that year. I went to that barn and leafed through all of my old sketchbooks, looking for pictures I'd drawn of Arthur. They all came home and he asked where I'd been and I told him it was none of his business. I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"That's no excuse."

"No, it isn't." Alfred says, and Annie is starting to turn red when he looks up, her fists clenched so tightly in her lap that they're shaking. "Honestly, I'm just glad it only happened once. But he's apologized, and I've forgiven him. It was a long time ago."

Annie groans, pressing a hand to her face and shaking her head slowly. "This whole thing is a right mess."

"You're telling me." Alfred says, and Sally looks up at him. Her green eyes bore into his, the color a shade nearly identical to Arthur's, and Alfred clears his throat, gaining Annie's attention. "Have you – How's Arthur?"

Annie sighs, and Alfred stiffens. "Arthur is Arthur; thinks he knows everything, temperamental and cynical, just as he's always been. It costs a pretty penny to speak to him over the phone, so we write back and forth and have been for a few years now. My little brother."

She cuts herself off, and Alfred can see that she's choking up, her eyes starting to water again. Alfred feels distraught himself, because it's never occurred to him before that Arthur has been anything less than okay over the years. He hadn't been able to entertain the idea, for if Arthur wasn't handling the separation well, how could Alfred? "Annie, what is it? Is he okay?"

"He went into journalism_._" She manages to say after a minute or so of heavy silence. Alfred's not sure what Arthur's occupation has to do with anything. "He has a knack for putting his thoughts into words that can move a person to tears. The letters he's written… they worry me. He's different, somehow. I can't figure out why I feel that way. Alasdair can't or won't say anything, and Peter still sees Arthur as this big hero who can do no wrong, so he's no help.

"I remember when we were growing up in England, Arthur used to smile and laugh all the time. He had a vivid imagination, and he used to believe in fairies and such when he was a child. After our father died, Arthur changed. He and Dad were closer than anyone in the family, and he always encouraged Arthur to be himself no matter what anyone said. When he died, Arthur was a mess. He stopped smiling, stopped laughing, and didn't talk to his imaginary friends ever again. He was more grown up than any of us kids, even more than me, and he didn't say much when we made the move to America, though I knew he didn't want to leave Nottingham any more than I did."

Alfred leans over to grab a box of tissues from his coffee table when Annie's voice starts to tremble, and she takes it when he passes it to her, giving him a grateful smile. "When we came to Allen, Arthur wasn't happy. He was barely eleven then and he'd already had to grow up so much, and I feared he would never return to normal. But then we met you and your family. It was always 'Alfred this' and 'Alfred that' with him. He loved you so much, even then. He was starting to act normal again, and it was all because of you."

Annie pauses briefly to blow her nose, and Sally's fur stands on end for a moment. "I think… no, I _know _that now that you two are separated, he's gone back to how he was after our father died, and I'm terrified he's going to turn into the person he probably would have been all along had he never met you."

"What kind of person?" Alfred asks quietly, though he has an idea. He'd seen glimpses of a different Arthur over their years together, one who was angry and bitter and tired. He'd seen that person during their fight when Arthur advanced on him with rage in his eyes. It was the only time Alfred had ever been afraid of him.

"I hesitate to use the term delinquent, though I suppose it's appropriate. Arthur is quite the drunk nowadays. Not as bad as our grandfather or even Alasdair, but Arthur would never turn down a bottle of ale if it was offered."

"Have you seen him in person since he left?"

"I visited with David and the girls a few times. Arthur has his own flat in Finchley. Peter stays with him sometimes, but Arthur won't let him live there since he drinks so often. He isn't much of an angry drunk, thank God. Just very emotional. He misses you."

"I miss him, too." Alfred says. "More than I can say. These past five years have been so hard without him."

Annie sniffs, furrows her brow, and then sniffs again. Alfred watches her, confused and a little alarmed when her face goes blank. "It smells like an Alpha in here. Have you – Do you – "

Alfred can't help it. He bursts out laughing, starting both Annie and Sally, and it's a solid minute before he manages to regain at least some of his composure. "No, it's not what you think." He says, struggling to get the words out. "I have this friend. Her name is Elizabeta. She's an Alpha, and she's the only one of my current friends that knows pretty much everything about my past. She's over here a lot, but she and I are just friends, I promise."

"Oh." Annie says, laughing a bit herself. "That makes more sense. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. It's just that you're twenty-one now, Al. That's a long time to go unmated."

"Some people go their whole lives without a mate." Alfred points out. "I'm not gonna give up on Artie just because there's an ocean between us. I'll wait as long as it takes."

Annie finished wiping away the last of her tears, grinning so much that her dimples are more apparent than they've ever been before. She stands abruptly and moves over to Alfred, sitting down beside him, and Alfred has to stifle a yelp when the Beta yanks him roughly into her arms. "Arthur must have saved a lot of puppies in his previous life to deserve a boyfriend as loyal as you are. I hate to admit this, but even I was worried on the drive up here that I would arrive to find you up to your knees in dirty diapers and baby formula."

"Didn't Mattie tell you I'm still unmated?"

"He doesn't discuss your relationships much. Just the basics, like what you're studying or just how you're fairing in general. I didn't even know your address until I told him I was planning to come see you."

"Why did you come up here? Not that I don't appreciate it, because I do, but… that's like a twenty hour drive if you don't stop along the way!"

Annie doesn't say anything for a moment, though her grip on Alfred tightens, and the Omega is content to stay in her embrace for now. Annie was like the sister he never had growing up, and while there's no way they're as close as they once were, Alfred hopes they can remedy that. "You're about to go into heat, yes?"

Alfred frowns, thinking back to last year and the year before that, counting the weeks. "Yeah, I should be. Why?"

"There is a reason I came, aside from just wanting to see you." Annie says, finally pulling away. She twists around and reaches back to her previous spot for her purse, pulling it closer and rooting around until she grabs onto a crisp, white envelope. She stares at it for a moment before turning back to Alfred, offering it to him with a slight sigh. Alfred stares at it. His name is written on the front, nothing else. "I don't know what it says, but it came along with a letter Arthur wrote me, and he told me to give it to you personally. Maybe it'll help with your oncoming heat."

"O – Okay." Alfred says, taking the envelope. He refuses to look at it again, setting it on the coffee table, because he thinks he knows what it is.

"I'll be in town for a few days." Annie says. "I think there's a lot of catching up we need to do. I know you don't want to face whatever is in that envelope, but I think it'll help, if I know my brother. I'm staying in a hotel nearby. I'll give you my number if you want to call me."

"I do." Alfred says. "We need to talk, Ann. I've been isolated out here for way too long."

"I know." Annie replies, patting his cheek with a warm smile, and Alfred can tell that Annie is a good mother to her daughters, one that they'll appreciate when they're older. "I love you, Al. I'll see you later."

Alfred sees her off with a smile, but once she's gone, he becomes a slave to that stupid letter she gave him. Nearly half an hour goes by and Alfred is still staring at the letter she gave him, memories swirling in his head about times long past that he thought he'd come to terms with. He'd recognize that handwriting anywhere, and just looking at the letters of his name in that familiar format makes his eyes wet.

Sally is weaving around his legs, mewing anxiously in that way she does whenever Alfred is upset, but she doesn't try to jump up on the couch. Normally he would bend over and pick her up, stroke her ears and reassure her that everything is fine, but it's not fine.

Alfred's terrified to open the envelope, isn't sure he wants to see whatever is inside. It's crossed his mind over the past five years, more than a few times in fact, that maybe Arthur moved on, maybe he's not thinking about those days in Allen when he and Alfred would steal away together when their mothers weren't looking. Maybe he found someone to help him through his heats in the way Alfred never got the chance to, and Annie just didn't say anything. If that's the case, then Annie is a cruel person, just like Scott.

Alfred frowns as he starts to reach for the letter on his table. He's not the same person he once was, the frightened Omega of sixteen that lived a life of oppression underneath his parents' roof. He's twenty-one now, he's going to be an art teacher, and he refuses to run away from this.

Besides, he thinks as he opens the letter with twitching fingers, he has to have a little faith in Arthur, like Arthur had in him all those years ago.

_Dear Alfred,_

_There are a lot of things that need to be said between us, but I know you, Al, and I know you wouldn't appreciate it if I addressed everything in a measly letter. I will say that I miss you dearly, and five years is much too long a time to go without speaking to or seeing one another. I wonder if you can tell by my penmanship that my hand is shaking. I really can't help it. I've written many letters to you over the years, though this is the first I actually plan to have delivered. _

_That being said, Annie, if you are reading this before you deliver it to Alfred, do not think I won't go back to calling your daughter "Marie Antoinette;" she will be none the wiser, and you can do nothing to stop me. _

_Alfred, do you remember that night when I sneaked over to your house, and you told me that you didn't believe in a Heaven or a Hell, that you thought we experienced the supreme joy and sorrow of both here on earth? You were rather ill that night, so I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you actually don't recall saying any of that. I often wonder if maybe your fever-induced ramblings were more than just that, if perhaps I fell into the trap set up by our parents and you knew the truth about the world all along. _

_Granted, I do spend most of my time drunk, so I think about a lot of odd things. Even now, I have just returned from the pub with Alasdair, so I do apologize if everything I say ends up not making a lick of sense. I'm hoping I'll be able to tell you what I'm really feeling without as much trouble this way. We'll see what happens._

_Do you still think that, Al? About Heaven and Hell, I mean. I must confess that I don't know much about you anymore. After all, five years is a long time. If you don't mind my saying so, I think you were wrong, if you do remember and do still think that. In my opinion, this miserable world we live in is meant to foreshadow. As you said, we experience the clouds and fires both here, and I think those things we live through are meant to help us make a decision: if we want to live like devils and go to Hell as a result, or devote ourselves to God and go to Heaven; if we want to live forever in those moments of despair, or forget all about them and move on._

_Yes, I'm still a "stickler for God", as you used to put it. And I am sorry for making this letter mostly about religion thus far. I have been said to be a peculiar drunk. Like I stated previously, there are a lot of things that we need to say to each other, and I'm not about to get into it in this dreadful letter. I'm not sure how or when, or if you'll even want to, but we will see each other again, Al. The only reason we haven't as of yet is because our moms are bitches and your dad is actually quite terrifying. But that's neither here nor there._

_Annie tells me as much as she can, which isn't much since she has little contact with you and Matthew these days. She did mention that you were studying art and have a cat. I myself got a kitten a few years back. He doesn't actually have a name. I just call him Al. I'm quite the mess nowadays, if you can imagine. Can't even name my own cat without considering you first. The little bastard is sitting in my lap now, begging for attention. _

_I found him half-dead in an alley when he was a kitten, about a year or so after I left the States. Remembering how emaciated he looked then, I feed him more than is probably necessary, so he's a bit of a porker. He actually does remind me of you, does nothing but eat and bother me when I try to get things done. He's the only companion I have during my heats, if you were worried about that. I know I am in your case, though good luck trying to get me to admit to that when I'm sober. _

_I broke my promise to you. The one about how it was just going to be us after we graduated high school. You may or may not blame me for that, and if you don't, I surely hate myself enough for the both of us. This mess is my fault, and I haven't stopped apologizing, though you never heard. Scott and I still aren't on the best of terms and we probably never will be. Mum and I aren't either. I think I'm nothing but a disappointment to her. I only deal with Alasdair because he's my drinking partner and Peter is, well, Peter. He's the only one I can count on nowadays. He still remembers you, you know, and never stops asking when we'll get to see you and Matthew again. It's like a stab to the gut, because I don't know what to tell him._

_I didn't tell you about my mum's plans to move Peter and me to Finchley until that last day because I was afraid, Al. Afraid that, without me constantly around, you would become scared again and think what we had wouldn't survive the distance. I suppose I was right to worry, though to this day I'm still not sure why you got so angry. I thought if I ignored the subject it would go away, that Mum would forget all about it and I wouldn't have to leave you. I didn't know then, but Alasdair told me she was sending us away because she couldn't afford to take care of us anymore. She had lost her job and was too proud to ask your parents for assistance. I wish she'd told me. Maybe I would've approached the matter of bringing it up with you differently._

_I still love you, Alfred, and I have for a long time. Even when you were obsessed with Captain America and did nothing but irritate me, I loved you; like a brother at first, but it always felt like something more. I still consider that day in the barn to be the happiest memory I have. You gave me something precious, and to this day I still don't think I was worthy of it. But I was and am a selfish man. Even if things didn't work out in the end, I wanted to be your first, as you were mine, and I don't regret a thing. _

_I'm not deluded enough to believe with certainty that you haven't moved on with your life and Annie just isn't saying anything to spare me the heartache. For all I know, you're reading this with your mate hovering nervously nearby. If that is the case, I'm not mad. Well, I am a little, but it's nearly midnight and I'm drunk and haven't slept in nearly eighteen hours. But the Arthur that will wake up tomorrow with a massive migraine won't be upset, Alfred. He'll know that time waits for no one, and sometimes young love is stupid and naive. You were and always will be my best friend, my precious brother, and all I want is for you to have the happiness that you should've had all along._

_I love you, Alfred Foster Jones. Remember that God never gives us anything we cannot handle._

_Sincerely, _

_Arthur_

Alfred is crying when he finishes reading the letter, Sally yowling at his feet, though the only thought he can piece together is that Arthur is a surprisingly eloquent drunk.

* * *

When Elizabeta lets herself into Alfred's apartment the next morning, the Omega is sitting on his couch, staring listlessly at the letter on his coffee table as he strokes Sally's fur. "Al?" The Alpha says cautiously, walking around the edge of the sofa so she can see his face. "Are you… okay?"

"Arthur's sister Annie came by last night."

Elizabeta blinks, her jaw slackening a little. "Really?"

Alfred nods. "She gave me a letter that Arthur wrote me."

Misinterpreting Alfred's odd expression, Elizabeta frowns dangerously and drops her purse on the floor, moving forward to snatch Arthur's letter from the table. "What did he say? I swear to God, if he's been playing with you this whole time – "

"No, it's not like that." Alfred insists, though she reads the letter anyway. He can't bring himself to be annoyed that she's reading something so personal. The woman is practically family at this point, and there's nothing in the letter that Alfred hasn't already told her. If it'll give her peace of mind, he'll let her do what she wants.

"Oh." Alfred watches as the furious scowl slowly melts off her face the further she reads, the look of anger turning into shock. Or maybe awe. "Oh, wow. I shouldn't be reading this."

"It's okay." Alfred laughs, scooping Sally up higher in his arms as Elizabeta continues to read despite her words. The Scottish Fold is half asleep and mews in irritation at being disturbed, though she stays relatively still as Alfred holds her to his chest. "Artie's a well-spoken drunk, wouldn't ya say?"

The woman barks out a laugh, tearing her gaze away from the parchment to stare incredulously at Alfred, shaking her head. "I never pegged Arthur to be an emotional sort after all you told me about him."

"He was better at deciphering his emotions than I was." Alfred says. "But he spent so much time making sure I was okay that he never talked about himself much."

"Hey." Elizabeta soothes, sitting down on the cushions next to Alfred, reaching out to touch his arm. "From the looks of it, he didn't mind one bit. He loves you, Al, even after all that happened! Weren't you worried about that? We should be dancing while Sally Bear watches in disdain!"

"You can't tell since you never knew him, but Arthur seemed different." Alfred says, miserable. He's been thinking about this all night, how Annie said she thought something was wrong. He knows Arthur better than anybody – or he did, once – and the Arthur Kirkland that wrote that letter, while the same, had seemed different, somehow, just as Annie said. The Omega can't figure out why he thinks so, and it bothers him. "Even if he was drunk… I don't know. He didn't sound happy."

"You can tell all that from just a couple of paragraphs?"

"'I hate myself enough for the both of us.' That's what he wrote. Arthur's not melodramatic, Lizzie. If he says something like that, he really does mean it. And it kills me inside knowing that he's thought that way for over five years, and I never knew. I was so worried he'd forgotten all about us, but I didn't stop to think that maybe he thought the same thing about me. He sounded prepared to write me off if I happened to have a mate by now. What if some part of him actually does want to forget me? What if Annie was wrong and he is an angry drunk?"

Alfred releases a shuddering breath, squeezing Sally tightly as he shifts his gaze to Elizabeta, who looks near tears herself, still clutching Arthur's letter in one hand. "I just want him here, with me. I want to hold him again. And after reading that… God, I don't even know anymore."

Elizabeta's thin eyebrows furrow in concern, and she glances at the letter again. "'I still love you, Alfred, and I have for a long time. Even when you were obsessed with Captain America and did nothing but irritate me, I loved you. I love you, Alfred Foster Jones.' I don't know about you, but to me, that doesn't sound like an angry drunk. I think he's sad and lonely just like you, and just knowing that you're out there living for him is what helps him get through every day. He may drink to try and forget about what happened, but it's not to forget you, Al; he wouldn't give up those memories for the world. Even though he's blasted, all he talks about is you, about loving you and remembering the things you used to do and say."

The Alpha looks at him again, her green gaze stern. "You don't have to worry about him. What you need to do is get rid of all this baggage you've been carrying so you can be the person he remembers when you see each other again. It won't do your relationship any good if the both of you are mentally unhealthy."

Alfred stares at her for a moment before he starts to laugh, and Sally, fed up with all the movement, squirms out of his arms and darts off toward the bedroom. "You sure you want to be an author? Because I think you should major in psychology."

Elizabeta deflates with a sigh, looking relieved. Alfred is by no means a sensitive person, but she worries about hurting his feelings sometimes, especially since she doesn't have much of a filter. "Maybe you're onto something there. I could totally do both. Be a psychologist but write on the side? I'd make me mum proud."

"Are you making fun of Arthur for being a Brit?"

"I had _no _idea they said 'mum' instead of 'mom.'" Elizabeta admits excitedly, and Alfred has to take the letter away from her in case she accidentally crumples it. "When you see Annie again, can I meet her? I wanna listen to her talk."

Alfred can't help but smile, reminded of the times when Arthur would sneak into his bedroom at night and talk Alfred to sleep once they started dating, few though those moments were. He's not sure if all the British have the charm – Alfred certainly never stopped to listen to the way Scott, Alasdair, or Annie talked – but Arthur definitely had it. "I think you guys would get along. You and Arthur, that is. But you probably shouldn't be there when we see each other again. Neither of us has gotten laid in nearly five years, after all."

"You poor souls." Elizabeta croons, leaning over to press a firm kiss to Alfred's cheek before she stands up again. "Come on, we've got a baby shower to plan."

"Can we do this when I'm not so brain dead?" Alfred groans, though he allows Elizabeta to pull him to his feet. She can't support his weight on her own, so he has to help her discreetly. Can't injure that Alpha pride. "I didn't sleep last night. Tino deserves my awesome party planning skills at their full capacity."

"Nuh-uh, we've been talking about this for weeks! We've got classes tomorrow, my parents are visiting Tuesday and they want to meet my best friend, being _you, _classes Wednesday and Thursday, then Friday is the shower! And now we have to incorporate Annie into all these plans. Dude! Get. Your shit. Together!"

Elizabeta makes a move for her purse and smiles toothily when Alfred glowers at her. "I'll be waiting in the car. Go feed Sally Bear and let's get a move on!"

As Elizabeta storms out of his apartment as quickly as she came, Alfred considers himself lucky that kids probably aren't in his future. Elizabeta is enough of a handful, and she's nearly twenty-two. Not that he doesn't think about it – having kids, that is – because he does. It's nearly impossible not to, considering every part of his biology is wired to make him think like a mother.

When Tino has the baby, Alfred's already agreed to babysit when he isn't working or going to class. They almost wouldn't let him, saying it was too much and "When would you have time for yourself, Alfred?" but honestly, outside of work, school, his small friend circle and Sally, he doesn't have much of a life. At this point in his education, he's focusing on that teaching degree, all of his remedial classwork over and done with, and Alfred has more free time on his hands than any of his friends. He hasn't had trouble getting his work done in nearly two years, so he may as well spend the time he would usually waste on drawing and do something useful, like help his friends out.

He knows it'll be a struggle for them, even with his help. Tino's and Berwald's parents think that if they're old enough to start a family, then they can pay for themselves. They'll help, but not a lot. It'll be tough for a while, but the mated pair have support on all sides. Their kid will be well looked after; Alfred will see to that.

But amidst all the party planning and excitement, Alfred can't help but feel as if he's drowning. Sometimes it hits him hard that he's alone out here; no family, no childhood friends, and no mate. Those are the days when Alfred misses some event and Elizabeta has to come make sure he's okay. It's why she has a key to his apartment. It's bound to get worse, what with this new development with Arthur, and it's enough to send Alfred back to his bedroom to look for Sally as he swallows past the anxious knot building in his throat.

What would Arthur think if he could see him now? When he wrote that letter, had he been talking to the Alfred he'd made love to on the floor of a barn, or the Alfred of the present, the one that sometimes struggles to keep his feet planted firmly on the ground? Alfred lied to Tino. He does hate his parents somewhat, because he wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for them. They took away everything that made him feel normal, made it so he had no other choice but to alienate himself to get through every day.

Alfred isn't crying – isn't even about to – but Sally scampers out of the bedroom before he reaches it, moving toward him, as if sensing his inner turmoil. He scoops her up and turns back around, walking to the kitchen area connected to the main room, and he's reminded of what Arthur wrote in his letter.

_I love you, Alfred Foster Jones. Remember that God never gives us anything we cannot handle._

As he prepares Sally's breakfast, Alfred realizes that Arthur is right, just as he always is. He's struck with the same feeling he had in church on that last Sunday, that feeling of enlightenment when he had his epiphany about Arthur and God. To this day Alfred doesn't pray much unless he feels especially hopeless, but he doesn't feel guilty anymore. God always has been and always will be with him, holding his hand when he read Arthur's letter and standing idly by while he feeds Sally.

God loves him. Arthur loves him. Matthew, Lilli, and Feliciano, Elizabeta, Tino, and Berwald – they all love him and want him to succeed. They accept who he is even if his own parents won't, and that's enough for now. It has to be, or else Alfred can't get through his day. He lives for those people and for the moments he has with them, for Tino and Berwald's baby and Mattie and Lilli's wedding, whenever that may be.

Alfred's loved. He's significant. He was given this life because he was best suited to handle it.

The Omega has to smile, crouching down to stroke along Sally's spine as she eats for a few moments before grabbing his coat and billfold.

Arthur did always know just what to say to him.


End file.
